


Make This Whole Town Disappear

by RoseGold_En



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Heathers Fusion, For Kevin, Instead of slushies and croquet, It's cigarettes and exy, Jean is Heather Duke, Kevin is Heather McNamara, M/M, Seth and Jack are Kurt and Ram, Suicide Attempt, oh and Matt is Martha, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-07-12 19:37:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseGold_En/pseuds/RoseGold_En
Summary: Neil Josten starts his senior year in black and red, with bruises all over. He's apart of the Ravens, the most popular clique in school with an abusive leader.He meets trouble in the form of cigarettes and a fascination with knives— Andrew Minyard.While trading kisses and secrets with Andrew, Neil accidentally trades a hangover cure with drain cleaner.... And he just killed Riko Moriyama.( In which The Perfect Court™ are the Heathers and Neil's new boyfriend has interesting morals when it comes to murder.But, it turns out, so does Neil. )





	1. Well, Fuck Me Gently with an Exy Racquet

**Author's Note:**

> 'Loosely' based off both the movie and the musical.
> 
> Please ignore my constant editing, AO3 goofed up the tags and formatting.

Neil Josten shouldn’t have stayed in Columbia for this long.

His mom had been dead for two years now. He couldn’t fathom the pain he’d be in if she knew the position he found himself in.

He never thought he’d start his senior year in black and red. Making a commitment to the Ravens meant following Riko Moriyama’s dress code. Neil stared at the brown eye contacts in his wallet, frowning and reluctantly flushing them down the toilet. He still had a pair in his duffel bag, which he had stashed at Matt’s.

“Nathaniel, _we are going_.” Neil grimaced, shouldering the new book bag Riko had bought him and complying. He hated that name. He left the bathroom, falling into step behind Kevin and Jean. He had entered the bathroom to inspect his new appearance in the mirror, but he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to see his father’s eyes, his auburn hair.

Their school had met Neil Josten, black hair and brown eyes, but never Nathaniel. He shuffled into the backseat of Riko’s sleek black car, beside Jean. The passenger seat was reserved for Kevin Day; he was Riko’s favorite out of the group, evident by the 2 on his cheek. Jean and Kevin were apart of his “perfect court”, and Neil was soon to join, as stated by their deal. They were called the Ravens because they already had scholarships to Edgar Allan University, the best school in Class I Exy.

If he joined their exy team, Riko wouldn’t reveal his identity. He’d seen Neil’s skills on the court when he played friendly games with Dan, Matt, Allison and Renee. He had _also_ seen a blue-eyed Neil re-dyeing his hair in the gym showers before school, which is what landed him in this shitty situation.

Once the car cruised to a stop, Neil quickly fumbled out to go seek out his friends when Riko stepped into his path. He stopped, scowling as Riko grabbed his chin and studied his eyes to confirm that he hadn’t put his contacts back in. He scrutinized every other inch of Neil, checking that he’d followed his instructions.

When he decided Neil’s appearance was satisfactory enough, he dropped his hand and turned away in dismissal. Jean and Kevin flanked his sides while Neil walked behind them. He could already pick up on whispers floating around them and attentive eyes snapping towards them.

“Who’s that with the Ravens?”

“I don’t know, but he’s a total babe.”

“Wait a minute, is that—”

“ _Neil_?” The familiarity of the voice made Neil come to a halt. He turned, coming to face with Dan, Allison and Matt’s shocked faces. Well, Allison’s expression was more judging. The whispers became louder once everyone recognized who the newest recruit was. _Neil Josten, Neil Josten, Neil Josten_ echoed in the hallways. It made him tense; he had never brought this much attention to himself before. It wasn’t very comfortable.

“What happened to you? Are they making you do this?” Dan Wilds demanded, snatching the fabric of his dark clothes between her fingers. “Do they have something on you?”

“What did they do to your hair? And your eyes— Not that they aren’t pretty, I just never thought the Ravens knew any other colors besides black and red!” Matt Boyd rambled. Allison Reynolds had her arms folded over her chest, her lips pursed as she gave him a once-over. She stuck her nose in the air.

“At least he doesn’t look homeless anymore. But it’s not much of an improvement.” She glared at the Ravens, who had drifted down the hallway towards more of Riko’s flock. Neil floundered at the assault of words, his eyes darting between the three. His mouth opened and then closed wordlessly.

He'd been too preoccupied before to come up with a lie to tell his friends. He fiddled with the strap of his book bag as he gathered his thoughts. “They have something on me, but… I can’t really tell you what it is. Riko’s making me join their group and dress like _this_.”

“Well, I don’t like it. Do I need to talk with them?” Dan questioned, a thinly veiled threat in her tone. Neil felt relieved that she didn’t try to wrench his secret out of him. Allison simply arched an eyebrow while Matt just looked worried. It warmed his chest to know she was ready to fight for him, regardless of why he was being blackmailed by the Ravens.

“No, I’ll be fine.” At their doubtful and scolding looks for _those words_ , he corrected himself, “I can handle them.”

“Whatever. Just make sure you don’t forget about us, Neil. If they give you any troubles, I’ll be there to kick their asses,” Allison sniffed, her pink nails clicking against her phone case in her hand. Neil nodded. He had never had friends before until he was invited into their little group. He didn’t want to lose them. He refused to let Riko break him or drag him down his rabbit hole, no matter what.

“I won’t.”

“I second that ass-kicking comment,” Matt tacked on, clapping his hand on Neil’s shoulder protectively.

“Third,” Dan added, raising her hand. Neil couldn’t help but smile.

“Thanks.” His smile slowly dimmed at the marveling looks on their faces. He looked between them, muddled. “What?”

“Oh, Neil,” Allison sighed, wrapping her arms around him in a quick hug. She rested her chin on his head while Dan and Matt smiled fondly at him. Neil awkwardly returned the hug, still confused by their reactions. The blonde pinched his cheek before letting go, shaking her head. “You sweet child.”

* * *

After being a Raven for a few days, Neil had to wonder why people wanted to be them so badly. They had a strict daily schedule, hardly let him socialize outside of the Ravens, and Riko would reward him with pain every time Neil disobeyed him. Under his expensive clothes were a growing collection of bruises. Neil rubbed the sore idents on his wrist from handcuffs.

On a lighter note, he had received his own custom exy racquet and equipment. His racquet was designed for his small size. Having a jersey with his name on it gave him an odd sense of something bordering on ‘belonging’, but not quite. The Perfect Court™ wasn’t ideally who or what he wanted to belong to.

“I didn’t mean to miss our movie night. The Ravens operate on a different time schedule and Kevin has started making me come to night practices with him,” Neil informed, rubbing his eyes. Their obsession with health and fitness was nearly unhealthy itself. Kevin had told him he really thought he could become Court one day and become a professional exy player. It was a bittersweet thought; a dream he could never reach. When this year was over, he was skipping town and making himself MIA again. Going to Edgar Allan after graduation would be serving his head on a silver platter to his father.

“No, I get it, you’re with the Ravens now,” Matt replied. His smile didn’t reach his eyes as he patted Neil’s back. Every week, they would gather in Matt’s house with snacks and watch a bunch of movies, rating them afterwards. It was something best friends did, according to Matt.

“This week. I’ll try to get out of whatever bullshit they have planned this time.” The other began to respond when someone grabbed Neil’s arm roughly and yanked him away. He glared at Riko, twisting his arm out of his harsh grip. “What do you want?”

“Watch your mouth around me, Nathaniel. Have I not taught you enough why you should not mouth off at me?” Neil really wanted to _watch_ his fist go into _Riko’s_ mouth. He flexed his fingers, forcing himself not to exercise that thought. He had inherited his father’s temper and Riko made it very difficult to keep it in check. Riko finally stopped at his locker, where Kevin and Jean were standing. “I want you to forge Seth Gordon’s handwriting. Jean.”

Kevin handed him a piece of paper that showed Seth’s sloppy writing. Neil resisted the urge to roll his eyes, grabbing a pencil while Jean turned around to display his broad back. He used him as a temporary desk even though making people bend for him was such a _Riko_ thing to do. He wrote down everything Riko said.

Forging had become a talent of Neil’s after faking his mother’s signature so many times. Sometimes, he even had to change his handwriting when taking on a new identity. It was tedious, but rewarding. This note looked very convincing as he handed it back to Riko, who slipped it into Kevin’s book bag for safe keeping.

They headed to the cafeteria, where he forced Neil to eat lunch with them. They didn’t eat the regular school lunch; Riko always had someone sneak them food from outside or packed something. When he could, Neil would slink over to his friends and sit with them. It depended on how tight his leash was each day. He lowered himself into his chair slowly, still wincing at the aching pain that met him. He cursed internally, adjusting before picking up his fork.

While Riko babbled on about a party soon at USC, Neil paused mid-chew. He usually felt eyes on him while he sat at the Raven table, but this specific pair wouldn’t budge. He tensed, his eyes drifting casually until he found the culprit. Hazel eyes were locked on his own. He frowned as the blonde male raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. He didn’t recognize him, but he felt like he should know him. He narrowed his eyes in return, resulting in a silent staring contest between them.

“Who are you staring at?” Neil heard Jean ask in accented English, side-eyeing him. Neil tore his eyes away from the challenger, seeing that everyone at the table was watching him. He dropped his head, resuming eating. In his peripheral, he could see Kevin twist around all-too-obviously in his chair to peer behind himself.

“That’s Andrew Minyard,” he stated, wrinkling his nose. “He’s in my American history class. He never pays attention, but _somehow_ always gets perfect grades.”

It was almost amusing to see Kevin fume over someone’s good grades. History was his favorite subject and it was his only obsession besides exy. When Riko didn’t join their scheduled study times, Neil would listen to Kevin ramble about his favorite historical figures and why they were important.

“The goalie,” Riko commented in a hiss. “His record is a mile long, I am surprised they allowed him to go here. He has been to ten high schools.”

“Goalie?” Neil echoed, looking back to the blonde. Andrew was now staring at a random point in the distance. He looked like the epitome of boredom. Neil blinked as he noticed the identical clone sitting next to him with an angry scowl. Oh. Twins.

“He played exy in juvie and his saves are amazing, but he thinks exy is a waste of time,” Kevin groused. “He could be the best goalie in Class I exy, but he doesn’t even _want_ to try.”

Intriguing...

When Neil looked back over to Andrew, he had company. Seth and Jack, the honorary assholes of Columbia high, were standing in front of him. The entire cafeteria abruptly became quiet.

“Hey, Minyard, I heard you came all the way from Cali. So what’d your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving all the way to South Carolina?” Jack snickered. Andrew’s twin tensed, though his brother just stared through Jack.

“I don’t know if you’ve read, but the cafeteria has a ‘No Fags Allowed’ policy,” Seth said.

Andrew’s voice was perfectly calm as he retorted, tilting his head. “I don’t like that word.”

“I’d call you ‘freak’, but then you wouldn’t know which one of you I’m talking to,” Seth snorted, looking pointedly to the other Minyard.

“How about you say nothing at all?” The twin finally spoke, glaring at him.

“What did you say, dickhead?” Jack growled. He started to move before Andrew shifted. Neil could see the glint of a knife under the cafeteria lights. Where the hell did that come from? Jack and Seth lurched backwards as Andrew stood.

“Are you insane?” Seth scoffed, though the panic in his voice was evident. Andrew waved his knife lazily in warning.

“Run along now before I have no choice but to gut you. I don’t want blood in my food.” The two muttered curses but quickly skedaddled. Andrew sat back down and went back to eating his food, like nothing happened.

His knife was gone.

* * *

Neil thought Raven school-clothes were bad, but Raven party-clothes were worse. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just wear what he did to school or wear his normal clothes. He fingered the constricting fabric of his outfit, walking towards the convenience store. Riko, Kevin and Jean were sitting in the car, waiting for Neil to get them snacks for tonight’s party. Kevin had whined about how unhealthy party foods were and how they needed to watch their diet.

He had partially tuned him out, used to this by now. He was still fuming about his discomfort and the new bruises he had received from Riko, almost running into someone. He snapped his head up, a half-hearted apology on his tongue when his eyes landed on Andrew Minyard. Andrew just looked at him in boredom and took another drag of his cigarette. He was leaning against the outside wall of the store. Now that he was up close, Neil could get a better look at him.

His eyes were half lidded and hazel, nearly golden in the sunlight. He was shorter than Neil, but his alluring presence made him feel taller. One of his hands were stuffed in his pocket, drawing his gaze to the black bands covering his arms. Judging by his biceps, he visited the gym often.

“Enjoying the view?” Neil’s eyes darted back to Andrew’s, who simply arched an eyebrow and blew smoke into his face. He didn’t flinch back, instead inhaling the acrid smell. It reminded him of his mother. The blonde flicked ash onto the sidewalk before bringing it to his lips again. “Weirdo.”

“Fuck off,” Neil breathed out. He wasn’t the one who brandished a knife in the school cafeteria. Andrew’s eyes drifted past him, ignoring him.

“Neil!” Riko barked from his car. Neil dug his fingernails into his palms, shutting his eyes and counting to ten in every language he knew. It took every ounce of self control he possessed not to twist around and flip him off.

“I don’t like your birdie friends.” His attention was drawn back to Andrew, who was still gazing through him.

“Yeah? Me neither,” Neil confessed dryly. He watched the other stub out his cigarette, dropping it to the ground and reaching for his pack. He grabbed the handle of the store’s door, beginning to step inside when Andrew spoke again.

“He gave you that limp.” The lack of inflection in his voice made it sound like a general statement rather than a question. Neil glanced at him before vanishing through the door. Riko had slammed a racquet into his leg multiple times during practice and he’d been trying to disguise it all day. He was fine, it just throbbed a little.

He bought everything he had been ordered to, picking a bottle of water for himself. He wasn’t planning on drinking at this party and didn’t trust anyone not to manipulate anything in the house. Hydration was also a nice bonus. Exiting the store, he pointedly didn’t look at Andrew, who was still smoking.

* * *

The bell rang for lunch.

Neil walked down the hall while Matt towered beside him. He was 6’4” but never looked down on anyone. He had a cordial air about him and was always smiling. Neil had befriended him during his sophomore year and Matt had been attached at the hip since; not that he minded. The track marks on his arms and his bright grin were signs of a battle fought and won.

Neil went through the lunch line with him, not caring whether he ate fancy outside-food or cafeteria food. Food was food. He’d be lucky to get a meal every day on the run. He trailed after Matt to the table they normally occupied. The girls were already waiting for them, Renee waving while Dan lit up.

“ ** _Oops_**.” There was a splatter and a clatter as Jack smacked Matt’s lunch tray out of his hands. Everything on it toppled to the floor, milk spraying everywhere. Neil shot the sophomore a dirty look. He didn’t know why Jack got off on bullying students older and much taller than him, but that shit needed to stop soon.

“Hey! Pick that up right now!” Dan snapped, standing up and pointing at him. Jack turned to her with a nasty grin.

“I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?”

“Oh, you little—”

“Hey,” Neil spoke up. He shoved Jack backwards with force, causing him to bump into a table. He twisted the brunette’s shirt in his hand, yanking him down to eye level. He tilted his head, his father’s smile crossing his lips. It was a cruel thing. He hated it.

“You’re a high school dropout waiting to happen and you _obviously_ never got all the attention you wanted as a child. How many times do you have to get your ass handed to you? What gives you the fucking right to pick on someone who actually has a future? Your only future is working as a fucking gas station attendant and that’s at the most, so **_back off_**.”

There was a stunned silence in the cafeteria before the room erupted into ‘ _ooooh_ ’s and hooting.

“Whatever,” Jack snarled, ramming his shoulder into Neil as he walked past him.

“Neil, you’re so badass,” Matt marveled, fond admiration in his voice.

“He never _learns_ ,” Neil stressed, glaring at the doors the sophomore had shoved through. He spun to head back to the lunch line when he noticed a familiar gaze on him. He turned to see Andrew Minyard, whose fork was still frozen midway to his mouth. He had an eyebrow raised. Disregarding the enthralled look in his eyes, he led Matt to the lunch line.

The lunch ladies weren’t usually lenient about giving out second dishings, but they were swayed by his new status as a Raven. Being apart of Riko Moriyama’s posse meant special privileges, however big or tiny. He had only been sitting with them for five minutes when Kevin grabbed his arm and hauled him back over to their table. Neil swatted his hand away, sending him a deadly look.

“ _Stop_ doing that.” He begrudgingly sat beside Jean, while Kevin ignored him and took his throne next to Riko. The king himself looked Neil up and down emotionlessly before resuming their conversation. He apparently had an assignment that required him to do a lunchtime poll. He dragged Neil around the cafeteria with him as he repeated the question to different groups. It was ridiculous.

“You win five million dollars from a sweepstakes, but on the same day, aliens land on the earth and say they are going to blow up the world in two days. What would you do?” It was admirable that Riko could repeat that question with a straight face. The students gave them weird looks but retorted. Their answers ranged from throwing a party to giving it to the homeless to hiring a prostitute. One girl said, ‘Go on a romantic trip… With a boy’ and looked pointedly at Neil, batting her eyes.

Overall, astoundingly stupid or useless acts.

“Does it not bother you that when you approach tables, people look at you like you’re a piranha?” Neil deadpanned. He grimaced as Riko twisted his wrist, a threatening smile on his face. Asshole. He jerked his hand away, crossing his arms and sweeping his eyes over the cafeteria. He locked on Andrew Minyard, who wasn’t peering at him for once. He pried the clipboard with the poll on it from Riko’s hands, heading over.

“I’ll take it from here.” Andrew looked up from crushing a bag of chips with his hand. Next to him, his twin frowned at him. Across the table, another guy with a darker complexion was chattering away. He stopped when Neil approached, beaming with delight.

“Heeey. Are you here to see me? Please say yes,” he chirped. Neil stared back blankly before turning back to Andrew.

“Lunchtime poll. You win five million dollars from a sweepstakes, but on the same day, aliens land on the earth and say they’re going to blow up the world in two days. What would you do?” He read. Andrew stared at him for a good portion of a minute, in which the talkative guy sent Neil a pitying look. But he didn’t back down, staring back until the blonde cocked his head.

“He’s not going to answ—” His twin began in a know-it-all tone.

“I would buy vodka and a new pack of cigarettes, then go up to the roof to just smoke and drink. That’s the stupidest question I’ve ever heard.”

“I know,” Neil quipped, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth while the two other seniors gaped at them. “But I can’t exactly write that down, it’s inappropriate.”

Andrew shrugged.

“Am I hallucinating? Aaron, did that really just happen?” The dark-haired guy whispered to the twin. Neil was internally relieved at finally having a name to put to his duplicate’s face. He started to head back to the Raven table when chatty-guy whined. “Wait, aren’t you going to ask us the same question?”

Neil halted, looking at him and nodding after a beat. He grinned.

“I’d spend my last moments with my boyfriend, Erik.” Neil was jotting down his contribution in Riko’s handwriting when Aaron grumbled defiantly.

“I’m not answering that.”

“I didn’t ask you anything,” Neil shot back. He spared Andrew one last glimpse before striding back to the Ravens. He could hear chatty-guy’s jubilant laughter behind him.

“ _Shut up, Nicky_.”

* * *

It was a few weeks later when Neil bumped into Andrew in the hallway. There had been a few more glances and short words exchanged between them. His face was normally carefully blank, but today he looked rigid and had irritation etched into his features. He looked at Neil sharply and bulled past him.

“Mr. Minyard. Perhaps you didn’t hear the bell because you’re sometimes hard-of-hearing, but you’re late for class.” Neil’s eyes flew from the teacher to Andrew’s stiff figure, his fingers twitching. It was obvious that the teacher was specifically targeting the blonde, because Neil Josten’s name was all over school by now.

Andrew was a taut rubber band, dangerously close to snapping. Neil flipped over the notepad in his hands, swiftly scribbling a hall pass in Coach Hernandez’s handwriting.  _Sorry, coach._ “Get back to class or I’ll give you a week’s worth of detention.”

He wasn’t even sure what class Andrew had journeyed out of, but hopefully this would fool the man and prevent any damage. He ripped it out quietly before holding it out in the teacher’s view.

“Actually, we’re out on a hall pass. Coach Hernandez sent us to bring some equipment in for P.E,” he lied smoothly, faking a smile. The teacher skimmed the paper before handing it back to Neil.

“Hurry up and get where you’re going.” He scowled at Andrew before marching away. Neil watched him go, rolling his eyes. He hated teachers who held personal grudges against students and tried to control their lives.

“I don’t need you to lie for me,” Andrew spoke up, having to force the words out like he was pulling teeth. Neil began to walk away when Andrew snatched the paper out of his hands, observing his writing. “A big mouth, a liar _and_ forgery. Oh. You’re interesting.”

He tossed it back to Neil, watching it flutter to the ground. “I’m sure I’ll get bored of you eventually.”

“I’m not a toy,” Neil griped as he bent down to grab the torn sheet. He slotted it into his notepad in case another teacher came along.

“But I still want to play with you.” Andrew swept a heated gaze over him. He wheeled around, strolling away. Neil had started to go back to his class when the blonde glanced over his shoulder, frowning at him.

“What?” He asked, straightening.

“Are you coming or not?” Oh. He was merely out for a bathroom break, but… He guessed he could afford to skip one period.

Neil nodded, tailing him as he led him across the building. They crossed into an abandoned sector of the building that was being remodeled. Just when Neil was about to ask where the hell Andrew was taking him, he pushed open a door and climbed up a short staircase. Neil was bewildered, but followed him up until he jiggled a door knob.

Once it gave way, he pushed it open and Neil could see the sky. They were on the roof. He dragged his eyes from the clouds, seeing Andrew seat himself near the edge. He sat down beside him and swallowed his surprise as he was handed a cigarette. He accepted it, watching as Andrew lit his own and then his. He took a puff to get it started before inhaling the scent, content to let it burn between his fingers.

They sat in silence for a long stretch of time, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The strain in Andrew’s frame left minute by minute until two bells had passed. He released an exhale, smoke flowing from his mouth.

“Staring,” he sighed. Neil shifted, looking down at the students bumbling on the ground beneath them. He took another drag of his cigarette.

“How do you sneak knives into school like that?” Since they had captured each other’s attention, he had witnessed Andrew threaten multiple people with knives. He had always pondered on where they had come from, but couldn’t quite solve that riddle. He looked back to Andrew, who had shifted and was squinting at him in thought.

“Let’s play a game, shall we? A truth for a truth. I’ll answer your little question and I get to ask something. And so on.” Neil considered it before nodding. Andrew reached for his armband, slowly drawing a slender knife. He held it out, dropping it in Neil’s open hand. He stared down at it, curling his fingers around it and studying the blade.

“Hidden sheathes,” Neil guessed. Andrew pointed at him, indicating that he was right. He handed him back his knife, watching the way he slipped it back with ease.

“Now it’s my turn. What do your Raven friends have on you? With a mouth like yours, you should have torn him apart by now.”

“They’re _not_ my friends. It’s more like they’re people I work with and our job is being popular and shit.” Neil hesitated, conflict crossing his face. “Riko… Knows who I am.”

“Maybe it’s time to take a vacation,” Andrew mused. They shared a moment of eye contact before the blonde snuffed out his cigarette and stood. Without another word, he left the roof.

* * *

They began meeting on the roof regularly. Other times, he’d catch Andrew standing outside the convenience store. He learned that he worked there and cherished his smoke breaks. He threw a jacket over his uniform during them so people wouldn’t ask him any favors.

Neil stopped by on one of his jogs one day. It wasn’t the first time, actually. He’d gotten into the routine of buying water bottles under the excuse of seeing Andrew. The blonde was usually deeply unimpressed, flicking ash at his clothes or ringing up his purchase.

Neil burst through the door, his chest heaving and his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. He closed his eyes, basking in the cool air from the vents.

“You stink. Leave.” He opened his eyes, looking at Andrew standing behind the counter and grinned. He was starting to get used to his rude dismissals, which he didn’t always mean. He walked to the refrigerated drinks, grabbing a cold water bottle and rubbing it against his cheeks. Andrew had complained once about him defiling their products and Neil had surprised _himself_ with a laugh.

He paused by the candy section, grabbing a candy bar. He set the items on the counter and unfolded a crumple of dollar bills. Andrew rang him up, eyeing the new addition.

“That kind of contradicts the point of all your precious exercise,” he deadpanned. Neil’s cheeky grin widened as he took his water and pushed the candy bar over to him.

“It’s for you.” Short surprise flickered across Andrew’s face before it became carefully blank again. Neil had learned that Andrew liked sweets and retained that information. The blonde grabbed the chocolate bar, slipping it into his front pocket.

“I hate you.”

“Only 86% of the time,” Neil teased as he opened the door, taking off.

* * *

It was a relief to get a moment away from the Ravens and Riko’s harsh stare. Sometimes he and Andrew would sit in silence on the roof or outside the store. Periodically, they would play the truth game. They’d give each other tiny, insignificant truths or bigger ones. Neil learned that Andrew, in fact, _had_ gone to ten high schools.

But, despite the rumors, it wasn’t due to him getting expelled.

He had been passed through foster care all his life. He was legally in the custody of his uncle, but under the care of Nicky, who was actually his cousin. He worked at Sweetie's to make ends meet. Andrew’s job helped and Aaron was trying to get an internship at a hospital.

Neil revealed that his father was involved in a crime organization. He told Andrew that his fear of knives came from him and that he had to learn to use a gun. He told him the story of his father smacking him with a hot iron for squirming too much. Sometimes, little half-truths were sprinkled in.

It was when Neil had winced too visibly while settling down on the roof that Andrew calmly stated, “If he lays his hands on you again, I'll kill him.”

He flicked some ash onto the roof. Neil brushed off his threat, saying nothing into the silence.

“I want to take a turn.”

A nod.

“I want to kiss you. Yes or no?”

Neil froze, swiveling to look at Andrew in disbelief. He blinked a few times, digesting his request.

“... You like me.” He received a raised eyebrow before he fumbled to add, “ _Yes_. Yes, you can kiss me.”

Andrew put out his cigarette, shuffling closer and placing his hand on Neil’s face. He leaned in, pressing his lips to his. Once he tested the waters, he kissed him harder. Neil cautiously wrapped his fingers around his wrist, leaning in and kissing back.

He had learned that Andrew didn’t like being touched without explicit permission, but that was more from observation than trading truths. It explained some of his violent outbursts; people just didn’t know how to respect boundaries.

Neil wouldn’t overstep those lines. His blue eyes fluttered opened as Andrew pulled away, dragging his hazel eyes away from his lips with visible effort. Neil touched his fingers to his lips. Kissing had never felt like anything before. It had felt like a chore and he was relieved when it was over. Those kisses weren’t worth the violent retaliation from his mother.

But kissing Andrew was different.

It set all of his senses on fire and his skin buzzed. For the first time, he was dizzy with this foreign need and all he knew is he wanted more.

“I think I want this to be a regular thing,” he confessed, astonished at his own words.

For years, he had repeated, ‘I don’t swing’.

… But maybe he swung a little bit for Andrew. That _maybe_ became a **_oh yeah, definitely_** as he was pulled into another kiss.

* * *

Matt hooted loudly as Dan scored another goal. Their group was goofing around, playing a game of paper football. Renee smiled gently at them as Allison challenged Dan’s high-score. Matt was using his thumbs and forefingers as a makeshift goal.

They burst into laughter when the paper football landed in Matt’s gravy. He pulled out another piece of paper and went to make a new one while Neil watched them fondly. They had ‘banned’ Neil from playing after he flicked it into Matt’s forehead three or four times too many but promised he could come back after halftime. Riko wasn’t being as insufferable today and Kevin was too hungover to bitch about night practice, so they were going to have a group movie night.

He looked around the cafeteria, his gaze subconsciously drawing itself to Andrew. He was breaking a chocolate bar into small pieces, one Neil had given him before school. He caught his gaze and even from a few tables away, he could see him mouth ‘ _staring_ ’.

“Oooh, Neil’s smiling and _intentionally_ ,” Allison crowed. She twisted around, trying to see who he had been gazing at. “Who is it?”

“No one.” He hadn’t realized he was smiling, it just… Came naturally around Andrew.

“Uh huh. Tell me their name. You said you didn’t swing, but I know a lovey-dovey grin when I see it.”

“I _don’t_ swing.” His eyes betrayed him, bouncing back to Andrew. Allison started to follow his line of vision until a paper football hit her cheek. She spun back around, glaring at Renee who just smiled innocently and winked at Neil.

“You’re going to pay for that! Matt, make some more, we’re playing paper _dodgeball_ now.”

“Oh, my God,” Dan laughed.

* * *

If Neil recalled correctly, this is what they called _third base_.

He had a hand clasped over his mouth, shuddering as Andrew swallowed him whole. He had one hand on Neil’s hip as he bobbed his head. Neil’s other hand curled into blonde hair, shaking apart as he tried to contain his moans.

It was Andrew’s idea to forge a hall pass so they could make out for a bit before lunch. He hadn’t known it would lead to, well, this but he wasn’t complaining. If Andrew hadn’t pinned his hip against the wall, he would have fallen by now. He was so strong, he could probably hold up Neil and all his problems without breaking a sweat...

He flinched as the restroom door swung open.

“Nathaniel,” Riko called, impatience tinging his voice. Neil’s eyes darted to the small gap under the stall, watching him walk over to the sink. “Get your ass out here. You will answer to me when I call for you.”

Neil had to swallow multiple times before he could speak. Andrew’s nails dug into his hip and he didn’t stop sucking. “I-I can’t.”

“You will. I ordered you to keep your phone on and you disobeyed me.”

“I forgot to charge it.” His voice tapered off into an unwilling whine at the end. Andrew’s head bobbed faster, working his tongue around his cock. Neil tightened his fingers in his hair.

“You can’t even begin to imagine what I’m going to do to you. Now get out here, you have _five seconds_.”

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Neil whispered, trembling as he came in Andrew’s mouth. He gasped for air, covering his face with his arm. He was frankly fucking _horrified_. Andrew tugged his boxers and pants back up before standing. He wiped a hand across his mouth, unphased.

Neil uncovered his face, swiftly unlocking the stall and slipping out to appease Riko.

* * *

“What Riko called you in the bathroom...” Andrew didn’t finish his sentence. Neil winced at the mention of it. There was no use lying when he had heard it. _Riko knows who I am._

“The name I was born with. But I don’t like it.”

“Then what shall I call you?”

“Neil. Or, if you need a name, call me Abram. It’s my middle name; what my mother used to call me when she was trying to protect me.”

Andrew hummed.

* * *

Another party.

The one at USC hadn’t been so bad, but this one was a house party. Neil strayed away from consuming any alcohol. He was currently in the kitchen while Kevin was trying to teach him how to make drinks. Out of all the Ravens, Kevin was the least irritating even though he was still a pain in the ass.

“No, Neil—” Kevin began to correct, swatting his hands away.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Riko snapped at him, his arms crossed. Gee, that was helpful. His ‘number two’ flinched at his tone but tried to disguise it. Neil took Riko’s abuse while Kevin was still too afraid to defy him. He glared at him before redoing the drinks.

“Hey, Neil. You’re looking so good tonight.” He was too concentrated on the beverages to notice when the girl had snuck up beside him. He spared her the briefest of glances, replying.

“Thanks.” She pouted and continued to try to initiate conversation with him, but he brushed her advances off each time. His newfound attraction to Andrew didn’t make him see anyone else differently. He still had no desire to make off into the night with a random stranger he didn’t trust.

She finally huffed and pranced away while her friends glared at Neil. He didn’t care. Dan and Matt had informed him that he could come off as a bit rude while rejecting girls. It happened a lot; apparently, a good portion of the school considered him very attractive.

“You are very horrible with girls, Neil.”

“Fuck off, Jean. How’s it going with Renee?” Jean pursed his lips and glared at him. He had an incredibly transparent crush on Renee but never acted upon it. He heard someone whooping about jello shots and a loud crash somewhere in the house. Riko re-appeared next to him, two cups in his hand. He handed one to Neil.

“I don’t drink,” Neil reminded him, frowning. Riko dug his fingers into his hair, burying his heel into his foot and yanking his head back hard as he whispered.

“You will drink or you will not even be able to walk at practice for the next two weeks,” he hissed into his ear. Neil bit his tongue to force back a yelp of pain. He jerked away from Riko, glaring at him and taking a swig of his drink. He grimaced at the taste. Riko handed him drink after drink, trying to figure out his limit.

Neil didn’t drink unless it was to lessen his pain while on the run, so his tolerance wasn’t very high. He stumbled around the party, staying close to the walls.

“Neil?” He spun around, wobbling on his feet. That was a bad idea. He blinked at the blurring image of Matt. He was smiling, like always. He had a cup in his hand, the other tangled with Dan’s.

“Matt? I didn’t know you were coming.” His eyes darted wildly among the party goers. His friends weren’t usually invited to Raven-esque parties. It put a bad feeling into the pit of his stomach that wasn’t from the alcohol.

“I wasn’t, but Seth wrote me a note about there being something for me.” What? Neil narrowed his eyes, straining to remember what Riko had made him write in Seth’s penmanship. From what he could recollect, there wasn’t anything… Implying something bad.

“Hello, Matt. Are you looking for Seth?” Jean suddenly materialized at their side. Matt nodded. Jack was an asshole to Matt, but he and Seth had been good friends all through elementary and middle school. They had drifted apart during that time, but he was visibly excited about hanging out with him again.

Jean led them to another section of the house, where people were gathered around a table and Neil could see Seth towering above most of them. Riko was there.

“Wait—” Neil started, waving a hand towards Matt. “Stay here.”

Matt looked perplexed but obeyed. Neil shoved his way through the fence of people, looking at what was on the table.

Speedballs.

Riko was trying to make Matt relapse. Neil cursed under his breath, whirling around. Did this asshole ever stop? He seethed.

“Matt. I need you to leave.”

“Wait, Neil?”

“I’ll explain later, just go home. Riko’s just being a piece of shit.” He didn’t bother to lower his voice. Dan and Matt exchanged a worried glance before nodding and weaving their way back through the house. Once they were out of sight, he turned on Riko. “What the _hell_ is your problem, asshole?”

A blanket of silence fell over the room as everyone watched him and Riko. Suddenly, Riko grabbed his chin tightly in his hand, digging his fingers into his jaw. He looked royally pissed.

“That is _strike three_. You cannot even imagine what is coming next. You think you can defy me? Come Monday, you are going to wish you were never born. You will wish I had delivered you to your father’s waiting hands instead. You will kneel at my feet and beg for my forgiveness. I cannot wait to turn you away.”

Neil’s blood turned to ice at his cold words, at the mention of his father. Riko hadn’t said it, but it was implied in his words: _Everyone will know your secret_. But he was already dead either way, so he just smiled his father’s smile and held up his steady hand.

“I’m shaking with fear.”

( He emptied the contents of his stomach on Jack's new shoes on the way out. )

( He was _not_ happy; Neil simply saluted him and told him to lick it up. )

* * *

Neil had to get out of town.

He had gotten his duffel bag from inside Matt’s closet and was throwing in everything that could fit. He checked his binder, recounting his money and scouting through his IDs. He put in his contacts and searched up the bus schedule. He tugged the duffel bag over his shoulder, grabbing his wallet. What color should he dye his hair next? He walked to the nearest convenience store, his hoodie pulled over his auburn hair as he scanned the aisles. Neil stopped, picking up two boxes and debating on buying both. Money wasn’t exactly scarce for him, he just wasn’t very extravagant with it.

He was as un-Raven-like as one could get. He purchased both boxes, along with a few essentials like toothpaste and dry shampoo. Neil exited the store, rotating the box of blonde hair dye in his hand. The image of a certain blonde kept clouding his mind, taking over his thoughts. His next stop was to a man his mother listed who could supply him with burner phones, but he supposed he could make a quick detour. It wasn’t something Neil usually risked, but… Andrew was an exception.

He had only 30 hours left in Columbia and by 8 am, his name would be all over the school. _His real name_. When he arrived at the Minyard-Hemmick residence, all the lights were flickered out. It was two in the morning and Andrew was probably asleep, but it was worth a try. He put his climbing skills to work once he found a steady foothold, balancing on a shaky branch outside his window. He leaned forward to knock on the glass, his duffel secured in his grasp so it wouldn’t slip.

Neil heard the creak of the bed and the lights quickly flicked on. A moment later, the curtains were shoved aside and he was gazing into hazel eyes. Andrew didn’t look too surprised, undoing the window lock and pushing it up. He stepped back, allowing Neil to climb inside.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at a party, Josten?” Andrew deadpanned. Seeing Andrew again was like a breath of fresh air after being underwater for so long. He stood by the bed, faltering as he remembered why he was here. He sighed while Andrew eyed his duffel bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He lit two, holding one out to Neil and taking a drag of his own. He took advantage of the open window, sitting.

“Running away so soon?”

Neil took a puff on his cigarette to get it started, watching the cherry glow in the room. Aside from the lamp Andrew had clicked on, the only other source of lighting was from the moonlight.

“I have to go. Riko’s going to tell the entire school who I am tomorrow. I have to leave before it gets to my father,” he explained solemnly. Andrew hummed, staring out of the window. He finished two cigarettes and took a few drags of a third before stubbing it out. He turned, stating simply:

“Stay.”

“What?” Andrew didn’t repeat himself, he never did. Neil frowned. “Andrew, I can’t. If I stay-”

“ _Stay_ and I’ll protect you,” Andrew offered, pointing a finger at him. Neil fingered the strap of his bag, glancing down at his duffel. Inside of it were all his chances at escaping. Here in Columbia, were all his chances of having a normal life. He longed for the latter option so badly, he could taste it.

“I don’t have a choice,” Neil finally settled on. The former option tasted like ash, or maybe that was because of the cigarette in his hand. He twirled it between his fingers, watching the wisp of smoke trail upwards.

“There’s always a choice. Running won’t save you this time. Running was an option when no one was looking. You should have left before you insulted him in front of his fan club. You can’t outrun your past anymore, you’re a _Raven_ now.”

“I’m not one of them,” Neil whispered.

“Then prove it. Give your back to me. If you want to stay, I’ll protect you.” Andrew turned his head, his expression blank but his eyes intense. Neil’s throat felt dry as he considered his options. He didn’t want to let go of movie nights with Matt, kisses on the roof with Andrew, or shopping trips with Allison. He wanted to hold on to jogs with Renee and Dan's fierce mothering over him. He didn’t want to let go of his own personal racquet and having a uniform with _Josten_ scrawled on the back, for all to see. He licked his lips.

“I don’t want to go.” Andrew slipped down from the window, crossing the short distance between them.

“Then _don’t_.” There was silence for a few heartbeats before Neil gave a jerky nod. The tight ball in his chest finally unwound. His shoulders dropped. He cleared his throat, speaking clearly.

“Okay.” Andrew took the abandoned cigarette from his hand, taking a drag before stubbing it out. Turning back to Neil, he let his gaze drop to his lips.

“Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil answered without hesitation. A hand clasped onto the back of his neck and he melted as his lips met Andrew’s. He dropped his duffel bag aside, exchanging a few kisses until Andrew pushed him back by his chest.

“Contacts,” he grumbled. Neil was puzzled for a moment before remembering about them. He paused, grabbing his contacts case and taking them out. He blinked a couple of times until his vision readjusted. Andrew deemed him worthy of his kisses again, stepping forward and yanking him down.

Neil’s hands automatically slipped into his pockets. He felt Andrew’s fingers poke around to make sure they were there. Satisfied, he went back to kissing him. Neil sighed into his mouth as a warm tongue swept over his and groaned lightly as teeth tugged at his lip.

He didn’t know when they had started moving, but he felt the back of his knees hit the mattress. He sank down onto the sheets, allowing the blonde to push him onto his back. Andrew followed shortly after, pinning his arms above his head. Neil’s fingernails dug into his palms; he wouldn’t be surprised to find angry red marks afterwards. He felt that newly-familiar growing heat as Andrew steadily took him apart and their kisses grew hungrier.

His hands roamed every inch of his torso, learning what made Neil Josten. A sharp gasp escaped Neil as Andrew rolled his hips into his. He muffled a soft moan in Andrew’s neck as he did it again. He didn’t miss the way the blonde shuddered, planting a kiss against his pale skin.

Another tremor.

Andrew’s stoic face was flushed as he pushed him away, panting softly and glaring. Neil grinned triumphantly.

“Aaron’s gone.” Neil searched his gaze, realizing what he was implying. He nodded slowly, muttering a ‘yes’ and leaning up to kiss him again. He paused when Andrew guided his hands to his hair, allowing Neil to grasp on. “Just here.”

“Okay,” Neil breathed against his lips, combing his fingers through it. Andrew caught his lips again.

 

* * *

Neil shot awake, his eyes wild as he gasped for air. He instinctively reached for his gun, his eyes darting around the room as he found none. Where was he? Where was his mom? A loud thunk echoed throughout the room as he hit the wooden floor. His legs were tangled up in the bed sheets as he scrambled back until his back hit the wall. He buried his fingers in his hair, struggling to breathe.

He had a nightmare about his dad finding him and cutting the tendons in his legs so he couldn't escape. He could still see the horrible expression on his face, those blue eyes mirroring his own. The glint of his dad’s cleaver still replayed in his mind, making his stomach churn and his legs ache.

“You’re a mess.” Neil flinched as he felt the weight of a hand on the back of his neck before relaxing as he recognized Andrew’s voice. It had a grounding effect on him, bringing him back to the present. He was Neil Josten, he was in South Carolina, he went to Columbia. His mom was dead and his father was in prison. He studied Andrew’s features as he squatted in front of him. “Breathe.”

Neil worked on breathing in, counting, breathing out, counting. English, French, German. Repeat. After a few minutes, he managed to uncurl while Andrew squeezed the back of his neck. “Sorry.”

He merely received an unimpressed look as Andrew stood up and tossed him his clothes. Neil stared at them for a moment before blinking as the memories of last night flooded his mind. He bit his lip, getting dressed as Andrew sat on the bed and side eyed him.

It was Monday morning and he had a little over an hour to apologize to Riko before he ruined his reputation. Now that Neil was planning on staying, he could make his high school experience a little easier by not having a target on his back.

“I have to apologize to Riko or _staying_ is going to be more of a living Hell,” Neil sighed, nearly choking on the words. Honestly, he’d rather choke on his own tongue than apologize to that pretentious asshole. He dug through his duffel for the clothes Riko had deemed worthy, changing into those.

“I’m coming with you,” Andrew replied, his tone leaving no room for argument. His eyes dared Neil to protest, but he just fixed his dress shirt and buckled his pants.

“Fine.” Andrew hopped down from the bed, going to get dressed. Neil grabbed his duffel, walking to the kitchen and brewing a pot of coffee. He was fiddling with the toaster when he heard footsteps that didn’t sound like Andrew’s. He glanced over his shoulder, his pounding heart calming when he saw Aaron. That relief turned to annoyance as he noticed Aaron was trying to glare a hole through his head.

He nearly asked what his problem was, but decided to ignore his presence. He turned back to the toaster as the toast popped up. He waited for them to cool before biting into a slice. Andrew walked into the kitchen, not sparing his brother a glance. Neil took a moment to appreciate his muscular arms, his eyes trailing to his neck where he earned a hickey from last night.

“Staring.” Neil’s eyes snapped to Andrew’s hazel before his mouth curled into a grin.

“Yeah,” he agreed, nonchalant.

“Next time you have someone over, at least give me a warning about _coming home early_ ,” Aaron hissed, grabbing an orange juice carton from the fridge and stomping back to his room.

Oh.

Neil looked to Andrew, who didn’t seem to care that his brother heard them. He assumed that Nicky had spent the night at Erik's.

Andrew poured coffee into a thermos and grabbed his keys. He followed him outside and climbed into the Maserati. The drive to the Moriyama residence was filled with silence, but a peaceful one. Neither he or Andrew were very talkative and Neil liked soaking in his presence.

He had finished his toast by the time Andrew parked down the street and they walked to the back patio. Due to spending so many nights here with the Ravens, Neil knew where the back entrance was. He jimmied the lock with a pick before pushing it open.

Riko, for the most part, lived alone. He was under his uncle’s supervision while his older brother and father lived in Virginia. His father was training Ichirou how to run the family company some day. His uncle, Tetsuji, was never home.

They cut through the kitchen and Neil padded up the stairs where Riko’s room was located.

Kevin usually waited on Riko hand-and-foot, but Riko disliked being seen at his weakest points. Crippling hangovers were included in that.

“Riko?” Neil called. It was strange calling him by name when it was usually ‘that asshole’ or ‘piece of shit’. He could hear the sound of bed sheets rustling and then a groan of pain. He must have sprang up too fast in reaction. Neil couldn’t help an amused smile behind the door.

“What do you want, Nathaniel? I thought I warned you what I would do to you starting today.” He winced at the name, biting his tongue as Andrew shifted next to him. He balled his fists as he spat the words out.

“I want to apologize.” There was a long pause, then more rustling.

“I hope you brought knee pads. Fix me a prairie oyster and I will _think_ about it,” came Riko’s voice with a smug undertone beneath his haughty authority. Neil looked at Andrew, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Raw eggs, vinegar, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, tomato juice, salt and pepper,” Andrew listed off without a beat, setting off towards the kitchen. At Neil’s stunned silence, he added bitterly, “Aaron’s mom liked to drink.”

“Isn’t she your mom too?” Neil questioned as they opened cabinets and the refrigerator. Andrew didn’t answer for a minute or two as they prepared the hangover cure.

“Let’s play another round. What else is behind that name that makes you flinch so much?” _Besides the obvious._ So he had noticed. Neil grabbed a mug and poured the ingredients inside.

“It… I’m named after my father,” he confessed quietly, looking up to meet his eyes. Andrew held his gaze before declaring his statement as truthful.

“Tilda gave birth to Aaron and I, but she was not my mother. She abused him and I warned her to stop.” _Warned_ her to stop, not _told._ Neil digested this truth, thinking back to when Andrew said he’d kill Riko for bruising him.

“Did you kill her?”

“Are you offering another truth?” Neil thought it over before nodding.

“Yes,” Andrew stated simply. There was no regret in his words. “She mistook me for Aaron. Tilda tried to hit me and drove into oncoming traffic.”

He stared at Neil, waiting for a shocked or horrified reaction. He got neither. He waggled his finger. “I’ll take my turn later.”

Neil should have felt something other than apathy about Andrew literally killing his own mother, but found nothing there. He had grown up surrounded by death, seen it firsthand many times. He stared down at the mug in his hand.

“Do you think he’d notice if I gave him something else? What makes a hangover worse? Maybe orange juice and milk,” Neil mused. Andrew’s eyes flickered to him for a moment before he reached into the cabinet, grabbing another mug. It was identical to the one in Neil’s hands. He bent down, reaching under the kitchen sink and retrieving a bottle of drain cleaner. He poured it into the mug, gesturing to it.

“I say we go with big blue,” he suggested. Neil rolled his eyes.

“I said make it worse, not kill him,” he informed, snorting. He couldn't say he’d never fantasized about getting a clear shot at Riko Moriyama before, but murder was more his dad’s practice. Andrew merely tapped two fingers against his temple.

“Thus, ending his hangover,” he concluded dryly.

Neil gave a short laugh, finishing the prairie oyster and inspecting it. “He’d never drink that.”

Andrew contemplated quietly before reaching up and grabbing a lid to top the mug. He did the same to the other, setting them beside each other. There was an ironic joke somewhere in there about them being _identical_ , but one was _deadly_ …

Neil stared at the mugs before tensing as Riko called his name again. He glared in the direction of his room. Now he was considering it.

“Yes or no?” He turned back to Andrew, the tense set leaving his shoulders.

“Yes.” The blonde walked closer, pulling Neil down. He threaded his fingers in Andrew’s light hair, letting him kiss their mouths numb without complaint. He felt dizzy once they broke apart, his head clouded. He still felt the ghost of Andrew’s lips against his mouth. His hands fumbled blindly to grab the white mug, his blue eyes focused on everything about Andrew. His golden eyes in the morning light, his pale hair, his flushed cheeks, his swollen lips…

He pecked them one last time before whirling around, making his way to Riko’s room.

There was a short pause before he heard Andrew’s footsteps following.

“Finally,” Riko groaned, his arm thrown over his eyes to block out the light. The comforter of the giant bed seemed to swallow him. He slowly sat up, his hair sticking up in all directions. He looked paler than usual, glaring at Neil and then Andrew. “Why did you bring Doe?”

Neil said nothing, holding out the mug. Riko sat it down on his night stand, sitting up straighter.

“Whatever. Get to it. _Beg_.”

Neil huffed in disbelief as Andrew came to stand by his side. “Look, I think we both said a lot of things that—”

“Oh, Nathaniel... I would actually prefer to see you do this on your knees. In front of your new guard dog, here.”

He stiffened, his face flushing with anger and thinning patience. He spoke through gritted teeth, “Look, I’m sorry that I—”

“Does it look like I’m kidding? Down,” Riko ordered, pointing to the floor. The smile on his face was downright sinister. “Kneel before your king.”

Neil hesitated, glancing at Andrew who was pointedly looking away. He couldn’t hide his glare as he slowly went down to his knees, his hands shaking with restrained rage. He wanted to wrap his hands around Riko’s throat. Riko moved to stand in front of him, looking down his nose at him.

“Good.” He smiled, reaching behind himself. He grabbed the hangover cure, tipping the mug back as he downed it all at once. Neil flinched as he suddenly dropped the mug, watching the ceramic shatter on the floor. He looked on in alarm as Riko’s eyes widened. He began to make retching noises, his hands going to his throat. He stumbled forward, his tongue a bright shade of blue that made Neil blanch.

Holy fuck.

**_He grabbed the wrong mug._ **

Riko tried to speak but could only cough. He dropped to the ground, his body smashing into and shattering a glass table. There was silence for a full minute as Neil stared at his unmoving body, wordless. The liquid dribbled from the corner of Riko's mouth, like blue blood. Neil felt Andrew grab his arm, bringing him to his feet. He hadn’t realized he was still kneeling.

“Did I just…” He gingerly checked Riko’s pulse, but found nothing. He stood straight again, staring at the lifeless body before looking to Andrew. The blonde looked as calm as ever, his eyes sliding to Neil’s.

“I never liked shitty Raven fashion on you anyways.”


	2. Teen Angst Bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ the people who have left nice comments, please take my first born. I can only have one first born, so please share custody and name them responsibly.

… Andrew’s deadpan way of stating things never ceased to amaze.

Neil looked back to Riko, searching for even the slightest twitch. He remained still, yet he continued to expect Riko to rise and wrench his arm out of its socket. He was the **_king_** ; could one’s power dissipate so quickly?

“We have to get rid of the body,” Neil declared, nodding determinedly. Clean up now, break down later. They couldn’t go to the cops with this. He strained to remember what his mother taught him. He began counting off all the supplies they needed to gather. Did they have trash bags?

“Interesting...” Andrew spoke slowly, tilting his head. While Neil circled around the room, he stayed in place and looked on with a vague spark of intrigue. “You’ve done this before. I think I’d like to take my turn now.”

Neil nodded stiffly, coming to a halt.

“Who taught you how to get rid of evidence?”

“My mother,” Neil answered. Andrew walked across the room, picking up a book that Riko had appeared to be reading.

“The Bell Jar,” he read. He tapped the book before placing it in Riko’s open hand. “How well can you forge Riko’s handwriting?”

“As well as my own.”

Neil arched an eyebrow, moving closer and wondering what Andrew was thinking. He watched the blond walk over to Riko’s book bag, grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen. He handed it over, watching Neil take it with only a second of hesitation. He sat down at Riko’s study desk, taking a deep breath.

“‘You might think what I have done is shocking. To me, suicide is the answer to the myriad of problems life has given me’,” Andrew began monotonously while Neil wrote in a perfect mimicry of Riko’s handwriting. He stopped, frowning at the words.

“That’s good, but Riko would never use the word ‘myriad’.”

“This is the last thing he’ll ever write, a final statement to a cold, uncaring planet. He’ll want to cash in on as many fancy words as possible,” Andrew said flatly, looking down at the note in boredom.

“Yeah, but he missed ‘myriad’ on his vocab quiz last week,” Neil reasoned, frowning.

“So it’s a badge for his failures at school. Work with me, Abram.” Andrew snapped his fingers. Hearing that name shocked Neil back to the present, remembering the urgency of the situation. They just murdered a former future-exy-star, who lived in the spotlight.

“Right. Uh. ‘People think just because you are rich and popular, life is easy. Nobody understood I had feelings too’.”

“I die knowing no one knew the real me,” Andrew added. Neil wrote it down, looking over Riko’s sophisticated but heavy-handed writing. One thing he’d been sure to remember was that Riko never used contractions.

They'd have to get rid of the evidence that they came in.

“This is good...” He briefly wondered if Andrew had done this before. Looking back on his apathy for life, he thought, _Maybe he had_...

They continued to add a spiel about Riko being the ignored, second son. It had to be good enough to fool the cops. And just for the hell of it, they listed things that ‘Riko’ wanted to be donated to orphanages.

Once Andrew deemed the pseudo-suicide note acceptable, he folded it up and placed it inside Riko’s hand. They were discussing Neil’s alibi when they heard the telltale sound of the garage door opening. ( _He was at Andrew’s, Aaron was an additional witness. It was questionable whether he’d actually help in that case._ )

Neil sent Andrew an urgent look, who shuffled over to sneak a glance out the window. “Tetsuji.”

Fuck.

Tetsuji hadn’t made a single appearance since Neil had become part of Riko’s group. Why did he pick today of all days to be a present guardian? It was fortunate that Andrew had parked away from their residence. He gave himself a moment to admire Andrew’s quick wit. Luckily, Neil still had the fresh mind of a former-runaway, so he had scanned all the exits of Riko’s house multiple times.

“This way,” he whispered, snagging hold of Andrew’s hand. They were upstairs and the garage was right by the downstairs door. He ran to the nearest bathroom, which had a big enough window to slink through. They only had mere seconds before Tetsuji entered the house. “You go first.”

“No.”

“Andrew—”

“Do you want to waste precious seconds arguing about this, martyr?” Neil bit his lip before huffing and letting Andrew give him a boost. He wiggled through the window and got a good foothold before jumping down. He immediately turned, waiting for Andrew. He wasn’t used to looking out for anyone but himself, but he knew he would always go back for Andrew.

He stood by in case he slipped, his arms ready to catch him. One foot and then two. Andrew exhaled, looking down at the drop and glaring at Neil’s ready stance.

“I don’t need your help,” he hissed, his trembling fingers betraying his bored demeanor. Blankness gave way to frustration, a visual battle of his emotions. Neil remembered a discussion they had on the roof, where he asked what Andrew was afraid of.

 _Heights_ , he had said. He had thought it was a deadpan joke. Shit.

“But you still have it,” Neil shot back, moving closer. He could hear the garage door closing. Tetsuji would have their heads on a platter. “Come on.”

“Fuck,” he heard Andrew curse briefly before his grip released. Neil jerked forward, catching him in his arms. There was no way he was risking him getting hurt.

“I’ve got you.” After a moment of shuddering breaths, Andrew shoved him away with a vicious look that he didn’t take to heart. “I meant it, Andrew.”

“ _Let’s just go._ ” Neil nodded, checking their surroundings before sprinting in the direction of the Maserati, trusting that Andrew was right behind him. With a quick glance, he found that he was, albeit a bit slower. Once they made it to the car, Neil propped himself against the door.

“Let me drive,” he offered.

Andrew was in no shape to be driving after facing his worst fear. Andrew glared at him before walking to the driver’s side and opening the door. His face was flushed and he was breathing much harder than Neil.

He didn’t go for jogs every day and voiced his hatred for exercise often. Neil really shouldn’t find that endearing.

Neil got in the passenger’s side, collapsing into the seat and trying to catch his breath. The car roared to life and the air conditioning blasted cool air at them. Neil let his head fall back against the headrest, his gaze rolling towards Andrew. He was staring at the steering wheel, gripping it tightly in his hands. His hair was still in his face from their running.

Without thinking, Neil reached over and swept the light hair away from his eyes. Andrew’s eyes snapped to his before snapping away just as quickly. “Andrew. Yes or no?”

He was silent for a few seconds. “Don’t we have other things to worry about, Josten?”

“Just quick. Yes or no?”

“... Yes.”

Neil leaned over the armrest, kissing his lips. He smiled as Andrew returned the gesture before falling back into his seat. The blond finally started to head back to the house. An absence on the day Riko was found would be suspicious and Andrew was still Aaron’s ride.

Neil relaxed in their mutual silence. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, but peaceful. He found his gaze drifting from the window to Andrew more often than not and wondered if he had ever looked at anyone this much before.

No, he decided. No one’s face had ever captured his attention like this. More than once, Andrew reached out to turn his face away without even looking at him. Each time, Neil grinned.

What a rush.

* * *

Neil received two looks from Aaron.

First, a surprised look because Andrew never let anyone sit in the front seat nor anyone else in the car, _period_. Second, an annoyed one because of his existence. Neil wasn't bothered; the feeling was quite mutual.

Andrew pulled the Maserati into his usual parking space at school and Aaron threw the door open, practically leaping out. He set off, not sparing them another glance. Nicky was already there, dropped off by Erik. He walked over, words on the tip of his tongue before he spotted Neil getting out of the front seat.

He blinked a couple times in obvious shock, but made a speedy recovery at his cousin’s piercing look.

“Hey! You’re the lunchtime poll guy, right? I’m Nicky,” he introduced, his bright smile blinding. Neil looked at Andrew before taking his hand, shaking it.

“Neil.” He looked around for his own group of friends before excusing himself. He had the sudden urge to kiss Andrew goodbye, but fought off that urge and instead nodded at him.

A silent _I’ll talk to you later._ He went inside the school, finding Matt and the others by their usual spot. He was catching up with them and explaining what happened at the party when Kevin tottered over to him. He looked lost.

“Neil. Have you seen Riko?” Of course he looked like a puppy trying to locate its owner. Riko hardly let Kevin out of his sight. Kevin had to fight for the freedom to even live at his own house. Riko demanded that Kevin move in with him, since he had plenty of room and he was a controlling freak. The only reason Neil wasn’t living with him was because they made a deal.

He could continue to live in the locker room if he jogged over to Riko’s house every morning. Neil didn’t trust him not to kill him in his sleep. He had to get there before six in the morning or their deal was off; Riko would expose him. Everyday, he’d shower there and make himself look decent before getting in his car with Kevin and Jean.

Months ago, Kevin had told him that his dad said it was fine for him to stay with them. They had a couch free. Neil politely declined; Coach Wymack was okay, but he didn’t trust any men his father’s age. It was too engraved in him to flee from them, physically and emotionally.

“He’s probably plotting his own form of petty revenge,” Allison added unhelpfully.

“He might be hungover,” Neil said slowly. “He drank a lot.”

It wasn’t a total lie. Kevin was clueless and confused because this was apart from their usual routine. Riko usually picked him and Jean up.

“He’s not answering my calls,” Kevin stressed, looking anxious and checking his phone again.

“To be fair, I wouldn’t want to look at my bright phone screen with a killer hangover. The king’s probably skipping,” Matt supplied, sounding delighted about Riko’s possible pain. Neil silently thanked him in his head. Matt wasn’t aware of it, but he was helping further his story. They just might pull this off.

* * *

Once Neil grabbed his lunch, he started to make a beeline for his friends when a hand caught hold of his arm. He tensed, twisting to snap at Kevin or Jean before the words died in his throat.

“Nope!” Nicky said, stirring him in the opposite direction. Neil threw a helpless look over his shoulder before he was guided to Andrew and Aaron’s side of the Monster table. Except, Aaron wasn’t in his usual place. He was seated beside Nicky’s spot and chewing his meal pretty aggressively. He shot Neil a scathing look once Nicky pushed him onto the bench, like he was to blame for all wrong with the world.

Blue eyes bounced between them in bafflement, question marks floating in his head. Andrew wasn’t there yet and no one was offering an explanation. Nicky just hummed happily as he ate.

“Uh. Why?” He finally verbalized, his face skewed in question. Nicky pointed his fork at him, smiling.

“Because Andrew said so. I don’t know what you did, but you’re apart of our group now. _Don’t make that face, you’ll get wrinkles_.” What. “It’s a pretty face too, it’d be a shame.”

Andrew dropped down beside Neil.

Neil shifted to look at him, though the blond didn’t acknowledge his quirked eyebrow. Aaron gulped down his mouthful, sitting up straighter to look at his brother. “What the hell, Andrew? Your little _fuckbuddy_ is apart of our group now?”

Nicky’s mouth immediately formed an ‘O’ shape. His eyes moved between Andrew and Neil. “Wait, what? You two are… You had—?”

When the two didn’t deny the news, he cupped his hand over his mouth and gasped loudly in delight. His eyes were bright. Neil winced internally, sighing. He’d never deny anything he had with Andrew, but he didn’t want Nicky talking his ear off or prying his nose where it didn’t belong.

“Stop talking, Nicky,” Andrew said calmly. Nicky immediately looked like he had swallowed his tongue before paddling to a safer topic. Neil eased up as he prattled on about Erik Klose. According to Nicky, he was the quarterback for the football team of another school in the district.

Kevin and Jean were still sitting at the Raven table, Kevin fidgeting like he didn’t know what to do without their leader. Jean was much more composed, but looked perplexed about the lack of communication from Riko.

He occasionally sent venomous looks towards Neil, who deflected them effortlessly. He had obviously gotten the memo of Riko kicking Neil out of the group; he had seen their showdown firsthand. Kevin was aware, but _Neil_ was the one he followed around when Riko was absent. He didn’t quite carry the same ill feelings after their countless night practices and Neil helping him home after he drank too much.

In the middle of lunch, Neil’s attention was drawn to Allison slamming her hands down on their table. She looked furious.

“Neil, what the hell? First the Ravens, now the Monsters?” At Neil’s silence, she continued. “Do you not like us anymore? You can just say so.”

Neil detected a tinge of hurt in her voice.

“It’s not like that.”

“It’s not? Then _please_ , explain it to me.” Neil wasn’t sure how to put it into words what this was. He wasn’t even sure if there was a ‘this’ between him and Andrew, but he sure as hell didn’t want to give it up. He was saved by Dan, who appeared next to Allison and looped her arm through hers. She had a tense but friendly face as she held out her hand. Evidently, she knew about their reputation too.

“Erm, sorry about my friend Allison here. I’m Dan,” she introduced. Neil wasn’t surprised when Andrew didn’t even acknowledge her existence, tearing into his sweets. He could tell that Nicky wanted to socialize, but was holding back in Andrew’s presence. Allison made a sour face.

“Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?” She taunted.

“Not anymore,” Andrew answered, popping a piece of a honeybun into his mouth. Aaron shot him a deadly look while Allison just hummed. Dan looked horrified at the turn in conversation, before recovering and trying to be polite.

“I’m sorry about your mother, Andrew.”

“I’m not,” Andrew replied almost cheerfully. “Ah, Renee. Are you here to take back your wandering friends? Bye-bye. I’m not taking in any more strays.”

Neil shot Andrew an annoyed look at calling him a stray before looking to see Renee had appeared next to Allison and looped her arm through hers. “Hi, Andrew. Allison, I think it’s nice that Neil’s making new friends.”

“Are you kidding—” Allison began, her brows knitted in obvious frustration.

“I know Andrew does not like to be crowded, so can we go back to our lunch?” Renee asked sweetly.

“I thought you would.” Andrew flicked his fingers dismissively. Judging by his tone, he wasn’t going to argue about this anymore without getting physical. Neil watched Renee pull Allison away and gave Dan a tiny smile to let her know he was fine. She narrowed her eyes at Andrew before sighing and turning with a reluctant look. He watched them return to where Matt had been abandoned and looked ready to jump to Neil’s defense.

Once the bell rang, Neil threw away his trash and scooped up his bag. He left to head to his next period and was stopped by the doors by his previous group. Matt and Dan patted him down, making sure he wasn’t injured.

“He didn’t hurt or injure you in anyway, did he?”

“I’m fine,” Neil assured them, frowning. Andrew wouldn’t hurt him.

Thump him or throw things at him, maybe.

* * *

It was during the next period that everyone found out. Neil was sitting in his Spanish class, zoning out and staring at the wall. He was fantasizing about a future filled with exy and Andrew when someone’s phone beeped. She received a dirty look from the teacher before she checked it and gasped loudly. That hooked everyone’s attention as she sat up straight.

“Riko Moriyama _died_ ,” she announced in disbelief. The educational atmosphere of the room crumbled as everyone began talking at once, asking questions. Then more phones lit up or vibrated until the entire class was staring at their smartphones, stupefied. Eventually, a different girl went up to the teacher’s desk to show the man.

The Raven King was no more.

“He was found by his uncle this morning.”

“Suicide?”

“He downed some drain cleaner.”

“Damn, I didn’t know he hated his life so much.”

“Are you okay?”

It took Neil a moment before he realized the girl was speaking to him. His hand fell from his chin as he tilted his head up. He recognized her as the student who always disrupted class by cracking jokes and insisted that everyone call her by her last name.

Alvarez.

She grabbed the back of a chair, spinning it around and plopping down in it backwards. She folded her arms across the top, a sympathetic look on her face. “I think you and Riko were cool, right?”

Not at all, but _they_ didn’t know that. In fact, Neil’s responsibility was to act the part of a devastated friend. He had never done that before and it left him floundering. He couldn’t make himself cry; he hadn’t shed a tear in years.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Neil made his voice quiet, trying not to seem too unaffected. Everyone was openly staring at him now, waiting for a crack in his facade. Waiting for the waterworks to start; if the Ravens even _could_ cry. He cast his eyes downward, digging his phone out. “Actually, um, m-may I be excused?”

“Of course, Mr. Josten.”

Neil nodded, slinging his bag over his shoulder and crossing between the rows of students. Eyes, so many eyes on him. There would just be more to come after today. Sympathetic looks, touches. Already, he couldn’t wait until the students found something new to talk about.

By instinct, Neil headed to the roof and smiled when he found Andrew already sitting there. He had another cigarette out by the time he sat down by him. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Neil spoke.

“Everyone found out already. It was weird, their phones all went off at once.”

“A Moriyama arriving at the hospital is bound to capture the attention of the press, never mind ambulances surrounding the house.”

Hm.

“Give me your phone.”

“Uh?” Andrew held out his hand, wiggling his fingers in a silent command. Neil obediently pulled out his phone, turning it on and handing it over. He didn’t remember charging his phone, but the blond must have plugged it in at some point when Neil was sleeping. He watched curiously as Andrew put in a number and tossed it back in his lap. He noticed he didn’t put a contact name, picking it up.

“Yours?” Neil questioned. Andrew didn’t bother to respond, continuing to smoke. Neil took that as a silent ‘yes’, grinning and looking down at the screen. He tapped the screen, saving the contact as ‘Andrew’. He never bothered to learn to use his phone, usually ‘forgetting’ to charge it so he could ignore Riko’s vicious calls. If Andrew was texting him, maybe he could afford to check it sometimes.

“Wipe that look off your face.” Neil tried to erase his smile, but it was hard. The corner of his mouth battled between turning down or curving up. Andrew made an irritated noise in his throat before slapping his hand over Neil’s mouth. That didn’t help his grin at all. “Stop that.”

“Andrew. Yes or no?” Neil mumbled against his fingers. Andrew ignored him, continuing to smoke, but his question was repeated. “Andrew, yes or no?”

He watched the blond stub out his cigarette before turning to glare at Neil. His narrowed eyes darted down to his lips before he tossed the cigarette off of the roof. Neil stubbed his own out, turning towards him. “... Yes.”

Neil reached out his hand, stopping just by his cheek. “Yes?”

Andrew lifted an eyebrow, before slowly nodding.

Even after last night, he _still asked_.

Neil cupped his face in his hand and leaned forward. Their lips clashed before fitting together perfectly as they moved together. A hand clasped around the back of Neil’s neck, an arm curling around his waist to tug him closer. He sighed appreciatively into the kiss, moaning when Andrew bit his lip.

He made a whine of protest when Andrew broke away, running his tongue over his lips. He didn’t miss the way the blond’s eyes followed and lingered before tearing away. He shoved his hand into his pocket before pulling out something.

Neil frowned in confusion, holding out his hand and uncurling his fingers when he received an impatient look. He watched the blond slap a key in the middle of his palm, his breath hitching in his chest. Suddenly, it felt like a large weight in his hand and his lips moved wordlessly. A key?

“It’s just a damn key.” He pried Neil’s fingers closed, pushing his hand away. Neil curled his fingers around it, feeling the ridges and memorizing the shape. He closed his eyes, holding it to his chest.

“You know it’s more than that, Andrew.” He felt like his mouth was full of cotton. He had to swallow a few times for good measure. Upon closer inspection, it was a house key. Neil had seen Andrew lock the door to his house with a similar one that morning.

“You’re not living in that locker room anymore,” Andrew said, pointing his finger at Neil’s baffled face.

“But—”

“I can’t protect you from across town, can I.”

“Well, I… Wait, where am I going to sleep?”

“We have a really comfortable couch.”

* * *

He _did not_ make Neil sleep on the couch.

* * *

Riko’s locker was now a shrine.

There were pictures taped all over it with red and black everywhere. Someone kept putting in a tiny candle that the teachers kept extinguishing. His teammates left short notes and memories. Neil had a hunch that they had to dig deep for pleasant ones. He wondered who found exy racquet stickers and smoothed them all around Riko’s picture.

“It’s so sad. He was a dick, but he didn’t deserve to die so young,” Dan mused, an arm curled around Neil’s shoulder. Their group despised Riko, but they weren’t cruel enough to celebrate his death. Matt shook his head, dragging his eyes away from the locker. Renee had said a silent prayer, but no one was sure what it was for.

Neil should have felt at least a fraction melancholic, but he could only find himself feeling annoyed. People kept approaching him and giving their condolences.

Neil jolted as a balled up wrapper pelted his cheek. He looked in the direction it was launched from, his heart fluttering as he saw Andrew. He was leaning against the wall by the vending machine, raising an eyebrow.

Allison glared at him, placing her hands on her hips. “You got a bone to pick, Minyard?”

“It’s fine,” Neil hurried before the situation could escalate. Andrew wanted to talk to him. He was learning to read him easily and it made Neil feel a weird sort of excitement... He walked over, aware of their eyes on them. He focused on Andrew and Andrew only. “It’s ridiculous. They idolize him even more now.”

Andrew’s eyes flitted over Neil’s friends and then to Riko’s locker. “He’ll be coughing up drain cleaner for eternity. I heard that his daddy didn’t even come to his funeral.”

Oh, Neil knew that for sure. He attended Riko’s funeral, just to keep up appearances and make sure Kevin didn’t try to go six feet under with him.

Kevin looked miserable nowadays. He wasn’t sure what to do without Riko; they had planned their entire lives out together. Outside of school, he alternated between playing exy obsessively and drinking. In school, he just shuffled around with a pathetic expression and rubbed his left hand. Neil had noticed early on that he used it as a method of comfort.

“Neither did Ichirou. I guess his own brother’s death isn’t important enough for him to come down South, huh?” Neil tensed as a hand touched his shoulder, swallowing down the reflex to wrench the person’s arm out of their socket. He turned, recognizing a student that Kevin spoke to often when Riko wasn’t around to bark at him. James? Jeremy?

“Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss,” James/Jeremy said, sounding genuinely sympathetic.

 _I didn’t lose anything important_ , Neil wanted to say. Instead, he said, “Okay.”

“If you ever want to talk, I’m here.” Jeremy/James patted his shoulder again before leaving. Neil turned back to Andrew, who had his eyebrow raised again.

“' _Okay_ ',” the blond mimicked.

“Shut up. I’m not used to people apologizing for others dying. It wasn’t their fault, I don’t get it.” He shook his head, commenting dryly, “People keep coming up to me, saying they knew how _close_ we were. It’s annoying.”

Andrew hummed. “Tell Reynolds that if she’s trying to stare a hole through me, it’s not working.”

He pushed off of the wall, walking off. Neil spun around, seeing his friends still watching them. Allison’s eyes trailed after Andrew, her eyes narrowed.

* * *

Jean and Kevin were cleaning out Riko’s locker.

The latter had a box in his arms with Riko’s gear, shoes and armor in it. They had already cleaned out his gym locker. Riko’s jersey was thrown over his shoulder and Neil somehow knew he wouldn’t let go of it. Jean muttered quietly to himself as he sorted through papers and textbooks. There were a lot of notes in there that Neil remembered forging. Especially doctor’s notes when the King was hungover, or hall passes.

“His watch,” Jean said in French, brandishing the expensive item. Now that Riko was dead, they were free to speak French to each other without punishment.The trio just looked at each other before Jean tossed it to Neil. He caught it, frowning.

“Why?” Jean waved his hand.

“He would want you to have it, Nathaniel. He always said you can’t accessorize for shit.” Neil scowled at him, tossing it to Kevin, who fumbled to catch it in the box. He crossed his arms, leaning against his own locker.

“I don’t want it.” Actually, Riko wouldn’t want them touching his things at all. Neil could imagine an angry Riko, yanking at his hair and ordering him around. “ _Nathaniel, tell them to stop touching my things, now.”_

He ignored Imaginary Riko because he now could. Jean pulled out another item that made Kevin’s green eyes go wide. A black marker. Riko used it to redraw their numbers after they got smudged during exy.

Jean looked at his face in the mirror that was hanging inside the locker. They watched as he uncapped the marker, staring at it before drawing the number ‘ **1** ’ on his cheek where a ‘ **3** ’ usually was written. Kevin gasped. “Jean, _you can’t do that_.”

“Be quiet, Kevin,” Jean commanded, shutting the locker. Ever since Riko died, Jean had taken over the role as their leader. He tried to order him and Kevin around. Neil simply wasn’t having it. He wasn’t running away anymore and he sure as hell was never going to cower under Jean. “For the last few weeks, you have been severely lacking in performance on the court. How do you think Riko would feel? Someone has to take his place and keep you in line.”

Kevin flinched away, his back thudding against the opposing row of lockers. Neil stepped in front of him protectively.

“Don’t you _dare_ take your anger out on someone who’s grieving, just because Riko never gave you any attention. How many times do I have to tell you to fuck off?” He snapped. One day, Kevin was going to have to snap out of it and stop being such a coward, but for now, his grief was too fresh.

“Don’t strike that tone with me, Nathaniel.”

“Jean, I don’t know if you noticed, but _you can’t control me_. You have no power and even if you know my secret, I’m not scared of you. You can’t make me do anything, so back off of Kevin already. Riko might have called himself ’king’, but he saw you as nothing more than one of his pets. Stop trying to live up to the role of Delusional Asshole.”

Jean’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared in fury, but he didn’t make a move to hurt him. He just spun and stomped off, spewing furious French. Neil turned back to Kevin, who still had a ghastly look on his face. “You okay?”

Kevin nodded after a second, before belatedly adding, “Thank you.”

Neil nodded, glancing in Jean’s direction again. “No problem.”

* * *

“I am just so happy to finally have an example of the emotion human beings are capable of. That example being Riko Moriyama.” Neil was busy doodling fox paw prints into the margin of his notes when he snapped to attention. His eyes darted to his English teacher, Ms. Ferdinand. She had a piece of paper in her hand that sent a cold wave of dread throughout Neil’s gut.

It couldn’t be...

“I have a copy of his suicide note.” The students gasped. “I will pass this note around the class so you all can look at it and see its beauty for yourself. This has to be the most beautiful suicide note I have ever read.”

Kathy Ferdinand was a _real piece of shit_.

Who let her be in charge of a class of impressionable youth? Riko was literally the worst, but what type of person exploited a suicide note, however fake it may be?

She passed it to the first student in the front row. “I want to hear your thoughts on his final thoughts and the sensitivity put into it. Who would like to go first?”

Once the note arrived at Neil’s desk, he passed it on without a glance. He remembered exactly what he wrote.

“I heard he downed some drain cleaner and cut himself open on his coffee table.” There was a mumble of agreement throughout the room. Ms. Ferdinand didn’t scold the crude comment.

“Anyone else?” A sophomore who had tried out for the exy team spoke up.

“I looked up to Riko. He was an incredible person who had a lot he wanted to accomplish. He was a great team leader.”

God, Neil didn’t mean to, but he _laughed_. Several students turned to look back at him. He ducked his head, burying his face in his hands and passing his laughter off as a sob. His shoulders shook as he pretended to be upset. A hand patted his back.

Riko being a great leader was the biggest lie of the century.

… What a joke.

* * *

Neil was jogging across a bridge when a tall figure caught his eye.

“Kevin?” Neil whispered before silently taking a few steps closer. After one glance, he could tell that Kevin was absolutely plastered. He’d experienced a drunk Kevin more times than he would like.

He was stumbling around, babbling drunkenly when he wasn’t sobbing quietly. Those rambles often included the words ‘Riko’ or ‘I’m sorry’. He didn’t notice Neil’s presence, tilting his head back as he downed more vodka. He dried his mouth, blinking up at the dark sky before reaching into the pocket of his jacket. Kevin pulled out a bottle of prescribed pills, struggling to open it.

It was his anxiety medication. A proper reaction to dealing with Riko daily. He’d started taking them after the incident in which Riko tried to break his hand in a fit of jealous rage. He nearly succeeded. Neil didn’t witness it firsthand, but he heard the tale from Jean. That idiot harped incessantly about his perfect court, but could have thrown away Kevin’s Edgar Allan scholarship and career.

“Stupid child proof caps,” Kevin muttered after the top wouldn’t budge, throwing the bottle over the bridge. It plummeted into the waters below and Kevin looked on with worrying captivation. He blinked a few more times, scrubbing away tears and taking another swig. Once he drained the bottle dry, he looked at the bottom with annoyance before setting it down on the ledge.

After a minute ticked by, he balled his fists in a second of decision. Neil lurched forward as Kevin threw his leg over the ledge, grabbing the back of his jacket.

“What are you doing?” He yelled, his heart thundering in his rib cage. Kevin shrugged out of the jacket, his second leg joining him over the ledge. He reached back to shove at Neil’s chest, causing himself to nearly lose his balance.

“Leave me alone! Suicide is a private thing,” he slurred. His green eyes were filled to the brim with tears. Neil scowled, gripping his shirt and tugging him back again. He hooked his arms under Kevin’s underarms, keeping him from falling. “Neil, _stop it._ ”

“I’m not letting you kill yourself over this. You’re not throwing your life away to become another fucking statistic. You _swore_ you and I would become Court someday! You’ve worked too hard, Riko is not worth it!” He put all his strength into hauling Kevin back onto the safer side, falling back on the ground in the process. He held Kevin in his grip as he thrashed until he submitted.

He visibly crumbled in Neil’s hold, breaking down into sobs. He buried his face into Neil’s chest, twisting his fists into his shirt as he cried. It was an awkward angle due to the size difference, but Neil didn’t stop him. He let Kevin cry himself dry, lying a hand on his arm as a tiny show of support.

“I knew him all my life, you know… W-We grew up together, Neil…” Neil waited until he was too exhausted to speak anymore, sitting up to lean his back against the wall. The redhead licked his lips, hesitating.

“My…” Neil stopped, swallowing. “... My mother, she was horrible to me. She’d punish me for every little mistake and wouldn’t let me out of her sight. I accepted it because she said she was protecting me. I still love her, even when I _hate_ her. She’s dead and I still miss her sometimes, despite how horrible she was to me...”

He kept his eyes on his knees, his heart orchestrating a symphony. His fingers were quivering. That was the first time he vocalized his mother’s abuse. It took him years and Andrew’s help to realize that her heavy fists weren’t motherly love. They sat in silence until Kevin placed a reticent hand on Neil’s knee. “... Thank you.”

Neil nodded shortly, watching as he stood up. “Let’s get you home…”

He handed him back his jacket, pushing onto his feet. He coiled an arm around Kevin’s long torso, assisting him in walking home.

He didn’t want to risk him accidentally swaying into traffic right after deciding he wanted to keep his life.

* * *

Neil played with Andrew’s fingers underneath the lunch table as he ate. Andrew let him. He’d noticed a few longing looks directed towards him from his friends, but pointedly ignored them. He’d like to be able to sit with both groups, but knew the blond wouldn’t allow it. He traced the lines of his palm, smiling to himself as Andrew turned his hand over so he could do it more easily.

He was in the middle of tuning out Nicky’s long winded story when someone sat next to him. Neil turned to see Kevin place his food on the table, avoiding eye contact and opening his drink. Aaron glared at him like it was his fault.

Neil expected Andrew to threaten Kevin into leaving or chase him off, but he didn’t offer any reaction. After a few minutes of eating in silence, Nicky hesitantly struck up a conversation with him. Kevin responded with reticence, but it soon settled into a calm chat. Neil turned his head towards Andrew, lowering his voice.

“Is this okay?” He asked. “I’ll make him leave if it’s not.”

He didn’t have to accept any more members outside of his family if he didn’t choose to. Andrew said nothing, but after a few beats, Neil felt a squeeze on his hand. _Yes._ He hid a grin, going back to playing with his fingers. He could sense the tension dropping from Kevin’s shoulders as he began to relax.

* * *

Neil and Kevin were practicing on the court when they heard a hand banging on the door. They stopped, glancing up at the plexiglass, where Jean was glaring at them. Neil rolled his eyes as he opened the door, walking in without any equipment on.

“Kevin, Neil. I didn’t see you during lunch.”

“Oh, that? Yeah, we were avoiding you,” Neil replied, grinning at Kevin who gave a tiny attempt of a smile back. It showed he was improving and that was enough. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw Kevin smile, though it was hypocritical coming from himself, who never smiled. Well, only around Andrew.

Jean huffed, his face flushed with anger. “Whatever, just answer when I call for you.”

“Okay, Riko,” Neil mocked, waving his racquet at him. Jean stalked off the court while he went to grab one of the balls scattered across the court during their session.

“You’re a lot happier now,” Kevin noted so quietly, Neil almost didn’t catch it. He stood straight once he grabbed the ball, turning to look at him inquisitively. He furrowed his eyebrows, walking towards him.

“What?”

Kevin blinked like he didn’t register that Neil could _hear_ him before continuing. “Ever since you and Andrew started dating... You’re a lot happier. I’ve never seen you smile and joke so much before that.”

Neil stared down at the ball in his palm. He hated when everyone prodded into his relationship with Andrew with their perverted (Nicky) or violent (Aaron) assumptions, but Kevin saw things for what they were. It was… Nice.

He hadn’t even noticed the change in himself would be obvious to anyone else. He _did_ feel happier with Andrew. He always wanted to be around him and make him _look_ at him.

“... Well, so are you. Like it or not, you can’t deny that Riko drained the happiness and energy out of you. You’re a lot less tense and stopped looking over your shoulder for him every time you slip up. He was the real monster.” God, everyone at school had it so wrong. Andrew never hurt anyone without a reason.

Riko hurt people just because he could.

Kevin looked down at his racquet, twirling it in his hand silently. He scooped up a ball, walking over to grab a bunch of cones and spouting out the new drills they were going to do tonight. In the middle of explaining, Kevin stopped and sent Neil a questioning look.

Neil frowned. “ _What_?”

Kevin looked over Neil’s head, raising his voice. “Are you going to join us, Minyard?”

Neil swiveled around, seeing Andrew standing behind the plexiglass with a look of boredom. How did he…? He walked up to the door, arching an eyebrow in question and opening it. “What are you doing here?”

“Am I not allowed to visit the court?” Andrew accused dryly. Neil blinked a few times.

“I, yeah— Of course you are.”

“Minyard! If you’re going to stay, throw on some gear and stand in the goal!” Kevin called from the center of the court.

Andrew stared back at him for a few solid seconds. “Don’t tell me what to do, Day.”

The two stared at each other for half a minute before Andrew swiveled around and walked away. Neil’s shoulders sagged in disappointment. He was kind of excited at the idea of playing with Andrew. He wanted to see his skills and show him what he’d learned from Kevin. They went back to their drills, practicing for a few minutes before the court doors opened again.

They froze, looking over their shoulders. A grin stretched over Neil’s face.

“Don’t look at me like that or I’m turning back around,” Andrew bullied. He was clad in goalie gear, a racquet in his hand as the door slammed behind him. He moved over to idle inside the goal, fiddling with his gloves. Neil picked up his own racquet, walking over to him.

“You look great.” The blond grabbed the grill of Neil’s helmet, shoving him back. He laughed, catching his balance.

“I swear if you get an exy boner, I’m leaving.”

“Okay, okay.” Neil held up his hand and racquet in surrender. Kevin came to join them, cones in his hand and looking at Neil.

“Is he joining us?” Neil nodded, trying his best (and failing) to hold back his grin. Kevin nodded back, satisfied while Andrew ignored his existence. He began to gather the balls scattered around the court. Once they were retrieved, they started shooting them at Andrew.

He didn’t bother to block when Kevin shot at him, but would deflect Neil’s without a beat. Neil started and stumbled back the first time. His blue eyes went wide.

“What—” He tried again and Andrew smacked it down the court. He watched it bounce towards the opposite goal. His mouth opened and closed a few times while Andrew leaned on his racquet in boredom. “... What the fuck?”

“You really suck at this, Josten.” He sounded bored, but Neil could see the mischievous glint in his eye. Neil began to feel competitive, his eagerness increasing. _Okay._ He began aiming ball after ball at Andrew, each one being shot at his helmet or sent over his head.

After a whole round, Neil was left with no balls and was panting. He dropped his racquet, whispering, “You’re amazing.”

“You need to extend your vocabulary. Say something new.”

“ _Andrew_ , they said you were good at exy, but not this good.”

“What did I say about your exy boner, junkie?”

“You can take care of it later,” Neil shot back sarcastically. He saw Andrew stiffen before a dark look appeared in his eyes, a promise of later to come. The cocky smile dropped from Neil’s lips as he swallowed thickly.

“ _Not on_ _the court_ , guys,” Kevin complained behind them. Neil tore his gaze away from Andrew, laughing it off unconvincingly.

He spun around, going to retrieve all the balls that he had knocked across the court.

* * *

Neil curled up on the couch, his legs tangled with Andrew’s. They'd cleaned up themselves, moving to the empty living room. They were watching some cooking show when his phone buzzed on the coffee table. He was going to ignore it, but Andrew reached over and handed it to him without glancing at the screen. He took it from his hands.

**Incoming Call ᐧᐧᐧ**

**Allison**

Worry filled his stomach as he swiped his thumb across the screen, answering. He placed it against his ear while Andrew muted the TV. “Allison?”

“Neil. Where are you?” Her voice was a whisper, filled with barely veiled panic. He could hear voices in the background.

“Andrew’s. What’s wrong?” He sat up as he heard whooping.

“I’m in Seth’s car. He and Jack have been drinking. Seth’s driving really fast. Sheena’s with me. I-I would have called Renee, because she’s closer but she’s at bible study and—”

He’d never heard Allison sound scared or nervous, ever. She was one of the strongest people he knew. “It’s okay. Tell me where you are. Andrew, can I use your car?”

Andrew passed him the keys as he listened to Allison explain their location. They’d be stopping by a liquor store soon.

“Okay, I’m on my way. Keep your seat belt on and just hold tight.” He hung up, turning to Andrew who raised an eyebrow in question. “Seth’s trying to get them killed by speeding while drunk. I’m gonna pick Allison up.”

“Do I need to come with you?”

“No, it’s just Seth.” Andrew stared at him for a few seconds, surveying him before reaching to slide a knife out of his armband.

“If anything goes wrong, you make the call. I’ll take care of it. Understand?” Neil took the knife, nodding. He leaned down, meeting Andrew halfway for a short kiss. Andrew pecked his lips a few more times before releasing his arm.

“I’ll be right back.” Neil pulled on his shoes before running down the porch and to the car. He flung himself into the driver’s seat, starting the car and heading towards the liquor store that Allison named.

He recognized Seth’s car approaching when he arrived, recklessly turning into the parking lot. He could hear Sheena crying quietly in the back while Seth and Jack were laughing. Jack got out, heading for the store. He walked over to the car, knocking on the window.

Seth rolled it down, sneering at him. “What do you want, Josten?”

Neil reeled his arm back, punching him in the face before marching to open the back door. “Allison, come on.”

She stepped out of the car, her arms curled around herself before looking to Sheena. The latter had stopped crying, looking at them in conflict and confusion. Neil pointed Allison to the Maserati before nodding to Sheena. “You too.”

She hesitated before climbing out, walking towards the car. Allison had gotten in the passenger’s seat while Sheena got in the back behind her. He turned back to Seth, who was storming towards him with a bleeding nose.

He made a grab towards Neil, but he stepped back and brandished Andrew’s knife. He got in position, holding it up so the store lights glinted off of it.

“Do you really want to try me right now?” He challenged. Seth’s flushed cheeks paled at the sight of the knife. This was the moment Jack walked out of the liquor store. His eyes went wide at the scene, dropping the bag of bottles he was holding.

He glared at Neil, slurring, “What the hell? I knew you and Minyard were psychos.”

“Go away, Jack,” Neil warned. Jack did not go away. Instead, he took a clumsy swing at him. Neil dodged before grabbing his arm and taking him down. He pinned him to the ground, holding the blade against his neck. “Are you done?”

No answer.

“I thought so.” Neil let go, standing up. He saluted both of them before going back to the Maserati. He got in, shutting the door as Jack got off of the ground. He dusted himself off, his harsh glare never softening.

“Neil, since when do you carry knives?” Allison asked, aiming the vent at herself to warm up. Neil tossed the knife in his hand lazily before slipping it away.

“Andrew gave it to me.”

“Hmm.” Allison eyed him for a moment as they got onto the road. “When’d you and the monster get so close anyways?”

It was a good refresher from people assuming he and Riko were close. At least he liked Andrew. He focused on the road, replying vaguely, “Not sure.”

“You’re eating lunch with him, driving his car, staying at his house. He’s letting you have his knives. It’s almost like you’re _dating_.” She folded her arms across her chest.

“You’re gay?” Sheena finally piped up from the back, grimacing. Neil glanced in the rearview mirror, frowning.

“I’m not gay. Even if I was, there’s nothing wrong with that.” He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. He couldn’t help but feel offended on Andrew’s (and Nicky’s) behalf. Allison raised her hands in innocence.

“Never said there was. _She did_. But you never denied that you’re dating the monster,” she pointed out. Neil said nothing for a few seconds.

“I didn’t,” he agreed neutrally. He honestly wasn’t sure if they were official, but he was certain that they weren’t friends either. Friends didn’t normally kiss and more than that. Did Andrew _want_ to date him? He’d have to bring this up with him later.

Before Allison could say anything else, he interrupted. “Do you want to be dropped off at home or at Renee’s?”

She had to be out of bible study by now. Allison hummed again, studying him and tapping her nails against her lips. “Take me to Dan’s. Sheena?”

“I can walk home from there.”

“How did the monster afford such a nice car?” Allison asked. Tilda’s life insurance, but Neil wasn’t going to tell her that. It wasn’t his truth to tell and Andrew never betrayed his secrets. “Have you seen his phone? It’s a dinosaur.”

Neil just snorted, shaking his head. If he had the choice, he’d have something similar or a burner phone. Soon, he pulled into Dan’s driveway. Dan and Matt stood on the porch, confused but delighted. Allison got out, approaching them and speaking to them while Sheena got out.

“Are you coming, Neil?” Dan asked when he was about to leave, standing by his window.

“I, uh. I promised Andrew to come back. It’s not my car anyways.” Truthfully, Andrew wouldn’t care if he kept his car for a bit, but he wanted to go back to curling up next to him.

Dan and Allison exchanged a significant look before the former nodded. She smiled, ruffling his hair and stepping back. “Okay. See you later, kiddo. Stay safe.”

“You too.”

* * *

Neil locked the door behind himself, stepping over to where Andrew was lingering in the kitchen. He had poked his head out when he heard the door open, but disappeared back inside. Neil smiled, stopping beside him and holding out his key.

“Thanks.”

Andrew glanced down at the key before turning back to his meal prepping. “Keep it.”

“What? But you-” Andrew dug into his pocket, taking out a car key identical to his own.

“It’s yours. This one is mine.”

Neil furrowed his eyebrows in confusion before his eyes lit in realization. Andrew had gotten him a copy of his key before this. “Oh.”

His heart clenched in his chest. He closed his hand, bringing the key close to his chest and trying to hide his smile. He bit his lip, fighting it.

“Tell me what happened,” Andrew droned, changing the subject. Neil nodded, beginning to relay the events that just occurred.

* * *

The next day, Neil noticed that people were staring at him more than usual. More than the usual stares he got after becoming a Raven or when Riko passed. The whispers were also back. He ignored it, going about his day.

“Everyone is acting weird today.”

The group all exchanged glances with each other before looking back at Neil. Renee was the first to speak up. “Neil, have you not heard the rumors about you?”

“No? What rumors?” Neil’s heart was pounding hard in his chest. Did his secret get out anyways? Did Jean finally use what Riko always threatened against him? His fingers twitched, his legs telling him to _run, run, run_.

“They’re saying that you and Andrew are dating,” Dan explained, a pained look on her face. _Sheena_ had probably repeated what she had heard in the back of the car. Neil stared at Dan, frowning.

“I don’t care. I thought it was something worse.”

“That’s not the bad part,” Renee added. “I had already suspected about your… Feelings. But Seth and Jack have been telling everyone that you tried coming onto them.”

What. **_What?_ **

Neil’s nose wrinkled in disgust and anger. “I would _never_ go near those two jackasses. All that happened was I kicked their asses. Where are they?”

“I don’t know, Allison went to confront them about it because she was with you last night,” Matt said. He pointed him in the direction she went. Neil nudged past them, heading down the hall while stares followed him. He hated that people believed rumors so easily. Andrew was the only person he was attracted to, he wouldn’t even think of touching anyone else. He heard a commotion further down the hall as he turned a corner, speeding up. His eyes landed on Allison, Jack and Seth.

“Hey, assholes.” Neil stormed over to them, throwing his book bag down.

“Hey, it’s the fag,” Seth crowed, crossing his arms. They were already drawing a crowd, people just anxiously waiting for them to fight.

“That’s enough, Seth,” Allison warned, her voice dangerous.

“I actually don’t think it’s enough.” Jack grinned. “What’d you do last night after you left, Josten? I bet he went home to suck Andrew Minyard’s dick.”

Neil’s fist met his face. He went down pretty quickly. Neil couldn’t care less if people thought he and Andrew were together, but he was tired of these assholes piling more rumors on Andrew’s reputation. Why couldn’t they leave him alone?

Neil went for another punch when the collar of his shirt was snagged. He was pulled back by Matt, who wedged his way between them. “Neil, _it’s not worth it_. I don’t want you to get suspended.”

Neil started to respond when Seth’s next words made him freeze.

“Looks like Josten’s growing up to be Riko junior,” Seth taunted. Instead of riling Neil up, like he intended, it made him flinch violently. It’d been years since the last time anyone called him Junior.

Suddenly his chest felt tight and his surroundings faded out of focus. He couldn’t hear anything but white noise, stepping back against the wall. He slid down to the ground, his breaths quickening as he curled up.

He could feel his father’s blades digging into his skin, scarring long lines into him. He felt burning skin and heard Nathan calling him a mistake. Hands grabbed him and he kicked away, pleading. He didn’t want to be chopped up, he didn’t want his father to slice his heels—

“—il. Neil!”

“ _Abram._ ” Neil was shocked back to reality when a heavy hand curved around the back of his neck. “Breathe.”

He struggled to breathe, his lungs burning. Andrew pushed the back of his neck, forcing him to take in faster breaths. Matt was kneeled on his other side, a worried expression on his face. He curled his fingers into Andrew’s shirt, grounding himself as sobs tried to force their way out of him. He hadn’t cried in years and he wasn’t going to start now.

He leaned towards Andrew, blinking away tears. He was Neil Josten. He was in South Carolina. His father was in jail. He was with Andrew. He was safe. His voice croaked as he tried to speak.

“How’d you find me?” His class was on the other side of the building.

“Boyd called me from your phone and said you were having a panic attack,” Andrew answered. Matt looked sheepish, but couldn’t conjure up a proper smile when he was so worried.

“… Seth?”

“He and Jack ran,” Matt explained, worry giving way to anger. “Allison went to Whittier to demand their suspension.”

He shook his head.

“Assholes,” Neil croaked out. Andrew pushed his neck again until he had his head rested against his shoulder. He sighed, lying against him. Matt patted Neil’s arm before standing.

“I’ll, uh, leave you two alone.” Once Neil was okay enough, Andrew brought him to the roof. They sat down.

“Did Matt tell you what happened?” The blond nodded. So he knew what Seth called him. He took a drag from his cigarette before sighing.

“I’ll take another turn now.” Neil nodded shortly. “Who called you that?”

“My dad,” Neil retorted, trying to find comfort in the smell of the cigarette. He took a deep whiff before exhaling. “His people. My mom, too, sometimes.”

Andrew continued to smoke almost angrily. A few minutes passed before he spoke again. “They’ll never call you that again.”

Neil shivered at the deadly tone in his voice. It was filled with promise. He reached out, stealing Andrew’s cigarette from his lips and placing it between his own. Andrew pinched his arm before lighting another one.

“Did you hear the rumors?” Neil asked, a wad of anxiety in his chest.

“I’m not stupid enough to believe them,” Andrew dismissed. Neil sighed. If there was anyone he could trust to see through the bullshit, it was Andrew. But what about the rumor about them dating? Had he heard that one? What did he think of them?

“Shut up,” Andrew said. Neil turned to him.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I can hear you thinking really hard about something stupid.”

“It’s just… Everyone thinks we’re dating now.”

“Yeah,” Andrew agreed, taking another drag.

“Do you… Care?”

“I don’t care about anything.”

Neil groaned. “Do you have an actual opinion on it?”

“People think what they want,” Andrew said neutrally. Neil resigned. Obviously, he wasn’t going to tell him what he thought. He chewed his lip, rolling the cigarette between his fingers. It was dumb anyways… Right?

* * *

Neil was in gym, walking the perimeter with Dan and Renee. After a game of baseball, the teacher was allowing them to wander for the remainder of class. Neil really hated baseball.

“Neil.” Dan tapped his shoulder. Neil blinked a few times, realizing she had been addressing him. He had been fuming quietly about being forced to play the dumb game.

“Sorry. What’d you say?” He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. The girls smiled at him, an air of softness about them.

“I was wondering if you’re going to join us for movie night? It’s been forever since you joined and we miss our baby fox.” Dan ruffled his hair. His friends always treated him like a younger brother, but he didn’t care too much. It was nice being cared about.

“Yeah, sure. I’ve missed it too,” he admitted softly. The two beamed and looked at each other. They continued walking and discussing what movies to add to their queue when Renee’s phone beeped.

“Excuse me,” she said politely, pulling it out of her baggy gym shorts. She swiped the screen, reading over a message before her eyes widened. “Oh no.”

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked, both turning to look at her.

“I’m afraid Seth and Jack are in the hospital.” Dan gasped. Neil froze in place before falling into step with them again.

“W-What happened?” He stammered, wanting to get the details. Did Andrew do something to them already? He should have consulted Neil first, they were essentially partners-in-crime now.

“Double suicide attempt. I need to call Allison, excuse me.” Renee tapped a button on her screen, breaking away from their trio formation and climbing up the bleachers. Dan and Neil stopped, staring up at her before looking at each other. She stuffed her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants, shaking her head.

“Poor Allison. I knew Seth was having problems, but I thought she was enough to hold him up,” she mused, frowning. They began walking again. Neil remembered hearing Allison mention Seth being dependent on pills whenever they were on a break.

They continued walking for a few minutes and less-cheerfully discussing movie choices when Dan suddenly went quiet. Neil looked at her questioningly, stopping in place. Across the gym, he could see Renee sitting on the bleachers and speaking comforting words into the phone. “Dan?”

“Neil… I’m not really believing all of this. I… Don’t think Riko killed himself.” She turned to face him, a serious look on her face. “I think he was murdered.”

Neil felt his blood run cold. He tried to coach the color back into his face, trying to maintain a poker face. “Why do you think that?”

Dan looked down thoughtfully. “Something isn’t adding up. Riko was too full of himself and had too much to throw away. You’ve been with him for months, Neil. I think making people miserable was what he lived for.”

Neil stared at her. “They found a suicide note, Dan. And that’s a pretty big accusation.”

She sighed, nodding. “I know, but… You forge things all the time, right?”

He knew she wasn’t accusing him, but Neil flinched back at the words. Luckily, she was staring into the distance. He spoke carefully, “Well… Any suspects in mind?”

Dan grimaced, hesitating for a second before speaking slowly. “I think… It might be the monster; Andrew. You’ve heard what people have said, right? Everyone thinks he’s the one who killed their mother.”

Neil knew that Andrew had played a pretty big part in Riko’s death, but couldn’t help but jump to his defense. Dan was his friend, but he wasn’t going to let her talk about Andrew like he was the real monster in this situation.

Maybe he had a warped view of morals from being on the run, but Andrew had pretty good reasoning. Dan and the others wouldn’t understand where he was coming from. He scowled. “I thought you’d be the last one to listen to rumors, Dan.”

She looked surprised at the venom laced in his words, becoming flustered. She pulled at the short sleeve of her shirt. “Wait, Neil, that’s not— I’m _not_ , but—”

He tilted his head, his father’s smile crossing his lips. He couldn’t control it. “And that’s a pretty serious accusation, based on a lack of evidence and assumptions.”

She reached forward, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Look, _Neil_.”

“No.” He brushed her hands off of his shoulders, just shaking his head. “You guys wanted to know why me and Andrew get along so well? We don’t listen to what others say about us and actually got to know each other. You all call him a monster but you don’t even _know_ him.”

He moved back a few steps before turning. Neil went to his bag, grabbing his phone and unlocking it. He sent a text to Andrew, telling him to meet him outside of P.E. He was most likely on the roof right now and Neil didn’t want to skip class as soon as the subject of Seth and Jack came up.

Neil could now see why his mother immediately moved them to a new place whenever she murdered someone to protect him. He exited the room under the pretense of visiting the water fountain, standing against the wall. Andrew appeared shortly after, not looking too amused. He had one eyebrow raised in question, flicking cigarette ash off of his clothes.

“What do you want?” He asked coolly, like he already knew what Neil was going to say. Neil folded his arms across his chest.

“I can handle myself.” Andrew cocked his head.

“I can see that,” he retorted, his voice thick with sarcasm. Neil frowned before sighing.

“You didn’t kill them,” he observed, stating the obvious.

Andrew stared at him. “I left them with a warning and used Riko as an example. If they hurt you again, they won’t live to regret it.”

“Then you have to give me time to learn Jack’s handwriting,” Neil replied dryly. “I already know Seth’s.”

It was a partial joke, but Andrew was smart enough to understand the commitment in it. Anything he did, Neil would have his back. He was on board.

Andrew stared at him. Neil stared back.

“Yes or no?” The blond finally said.

Neil blinked, before nodding eagerly. “Yes. Always yes.”

Andrew cupped his hand behind his neck, pulling Neil down for a kiss.

* * *

Neil was making his way back to the cousins’ house when his phone buzzed in his pocket. This time, a song accompanied it. Andrew had set his ringtone as a song about ‘runaways’ because he thought it was funny.

Movie night had gone fine, even though Dan kept apologizing to him for what she said about Andrew. She wanted no ill feelings between them and told him he was important to her. He didn’t hear those words often, but his friends always assured him that they loved and cared for him.

Neil stopped running and answered without glancing at the screen, sighing.

“Dan, I’m fine-”

“Hello, junior.” A chill went down his spine.

“Lola,” he retorted blankly. He hadn’t heard her voice in over eight years now. The sick, stomach-churning fear he hadn’t felt in months returned. He swallowed it down, looking around as he unlocked the door to the house. He forced his voice not to shake. “How’d you get my number?”

“Oh, that was easy. Once we saw you on TV at dear Riko’s funeral, you were easy to track down,” Lola said cheerfully. Neil slipped inside the house, locking the door behind himself. He moved around, locking every window he encountered and double checking every exit.

“What do you want?” He asked, his fingers shaking harder as he looked around for his duffel bag. He patted his pocket, finding the knife that Andrew let him keep.

“I just thought I ought to prepare a nice homecoming gift for Nathan, all the way from South Carolina,” Lola sang. She sounded like she was having fun with this.

“My father’s in prison, Lola. You’ll be waiting a long time,” Neil responded. His tongue felt dry, but he could still taste blood that wasn’t there. He found his duffel bag under Andrew’s bed. He unzipped it, digging out its contents and sorting through them. He found his gun.

He promised Andrew he wouldn’t run.

“Oh, didn’t you hear? Nathan is getting out pretty soon. His parole hearing was last month. He’s been preparing your room back in Baltimore.”

Every inch of Neil’s body felt like ice.

The handy thing about smartphones was that he could talk to someone and text at the same time. He opened up his messages with Andrew, tapping out a new one. He had to re-type the three words several times. Even autocorrect couldn’t understand his trembling.

**dont come home**

He sent it, bringing the phone back to his ear. “Everyone will know I’m missing. I’m apart of Riko’s circle.”

“I was surprised that you’d put yourself in the spotlight, Junior. Seems unusual for you. What a strange little world. Rumor has it, you’ve grown quite close with some of your schoolmates. It’d be a shame if something happened to them.”

“ _No_.”

“We can’t kill them, but we can certainly hurt them.”

“Don’t,” Neil pleaded between his teeth, clenching them. He’d grown up around death, but he couldn’t stomach the idea of Andrew or his friends being hurt because of him. He wasn’t familiar with guilt, but he knew it’d kill him if Lola or Nathan didn’t first.

“Your only choice is to come quietly, Junior. I’m outside. Don’t try to run.” Click.

She hung up. Neil had a hunch she was close by, but knowing she was just outside was nearly enough to make his knees buckle. He merely had seconds or minutes to hide before she inevitably broke down the door. He could try running, but he was sure she had people waiting outside in case he tried.

_He promised Andrew he wouldn’t run._

Looking down at his phone, he saw Andrew had replied to his message.

**What’s going on**

**Neil.**

Neil swallowed a few times before making a decision. It was extremely risky, but he couldn’t do anything else. Any other choice was getting skinned alive or being chopped into pieces. Or, knowing his father, both.

He ripped the bed sheets off of the bed he and Andrew were lying on just last night. He climbed on top of the bed, slinging the sheets to hang over the ceiling fan. He had to stand on the tips of his toes to reach it. Curse his height.

Soon, he had it wrapped loosely around his neck. A noose. He forced himself to relax, his body going limp and his head lolling downward. He had to make it believable. His body hung limply, though it put a lot of strain on his neck. He’d be in much worse pain if he didn’t pull this off.

He heard the banging of wood and harsh thuds. There was the sound of things crashing in the house and Lola cooing, wondering where Junior was. She was purposely making a mess. It flooded Neil with anger; this wasn’t his place to wreck. He was only a guest. He’d have to repay Andrew, Aaron and Nicky for the damage. At the jiggle of the doorknob, he stiffened and forced himself to relax.

“Oh, Junior, is this your last act of defense? It’s pathetic.” She kicked the door until it gave way, crashing into the wall.

Neil’s heart was racing a mile a minute.

There was a short silence and then the click of heels. He kept his head dropped down and could see Lola standing in front of him beneath his lashes. He heard the angry labor of her breathing and then felt a sharp slap across his face that nearly sent him falling.

It took all his willpower not to react or open his eyes.

“ _You piece of shit._ Your daddy’s not going to be very happy to hear you offed yourself before he got the chance to kill you. You and your mother have always been cowards. You took this from me.” Neil nearly flinched when she took his chin between her fingers, her sharp nails digging into his skin. He held his breath. “I agreed to bring you back alive and you made me into a liar. Even in death, you’re useless. Pathetic.”

Neil could imagine that his paleness from being so close to her helped in this charade. He could hear her pacing angrily in her heels before hearing a click. He dug his nails into his palms as he felt heat close to his cheek. His nerves were set on fire. _Run away, run away._ His skin screamed as the fire licked at his face, melting the skin on his cheek.

“I should burn you to ashes.”

It hurt so much. His lungs burned with the need to scream. The smell of burning flesh filled the room.

There was a chirp and the lighter stopped.

Her phone.

Neil could taste blood from how hard he bit his tongue. Lola mumbled to herself and he heard her footsteps retreating. She spoke the name ‘Romero’ into the phone. Neil took the chance to open his eyes, hissing and taking slow breaths. She was gone.

He tried to control the shaking of his fingers, his eyes burning with tears. She was so close to burning him alive. All Lola had to do was set fire to the bed sheets. He estimated he had only a few minutes before she returned to take him back to Baltimore or finish the job.

He searched his pockets for the knife Andrew had given him, securing his trembling fingers around it and hiding it in his sleeve. He’d grab his gun, but the sound of gunshots would alert Jackson and Romero. The odds would definitely not be in his favor if he faced all three of them at once. 

Neil tensed.

He heard footsteps again, but faster this time. They entered the room and he heard the expel of breath. He wasn’t sure whether it was outrage or relief. They came closer and he bit down on his tongue when a hand touched his unharmed cheek.

It was unexpectedly gentle. This touch felt familiar. A good kind.

He peered under his eyelashes, seeing black clothes at first. His breath hitched in his chest quietly; it was _Andrew_. Fuck, he told him not to come home yet. Why was he so damn stubborn? Even worse, that was one of the things Neil loved about him. His heart fluttered at the chance to see him again, even under these circumstances.

“Fuck,” he heard Andrew whisper. For once, his voice was tinted with emotion. “Fucking junkie. I was gonna protect you.”

A thumb lightly tapped beside his burn. His hand was shaking before he pulled back, his fingers clenched into fists. Neil wanted to tell him to leave before Lola came back, but he couldn’t risk being heard. It would ruin the charade. If they found out he was alive, they would use Andrew against him.

He continued to play dead until he heard Andrew leave. Lola came back minutes later and Neil felt grateful for that near miss.

“Good news, Junior. We’ve come up with a convincing story for your death.” He forced down a shudder when her fingers brushed his neck. She was trying to undo his noose to take him down. Neil took his chance, gripping the knife and plunging it deep into her neck.

Blood splattered the bed sheets and his clothes. Her scream was muffled. Neil hardened his grip on the knife, jerking it out of her neck. He quickly undid the work of his noose, bouncing on the bed before getting onto his feet. He rubbed his sore neck.

“Fuck, that hurt,” he mumbled. He stepped over to Lola, watching her choke on her own blood. He plunged the knife into her chest, watching the life drain out of her. She still had the gall to smile at him, her teeth stained with her blood. He knew that if she could form words, she’d be comparing him to his father.

Neil pulled his knife out again, wiping at and smearing blood on his face. He grabbed his gun from his duffel bag as a precaution, wandering out of the bedroom into the hallway. He checked every room, but they weren’t in the house. He assumed they were parked around the corner, waiting for Lola’s signal to come and retrieve his body.

Romero was standing outside the patrol car, leaning against the door while Jackson was in the passenger’s seat. Neil crouched down quietly behind a bush, his fingers shaking but he didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger. The bullet tore through Romero’s chest and he slouched to the ground, his eyes still wide with shock.

“You little shit,” Jackson cursed, jumping from inside the car. He fumbled and brandished his gun, but Neil was quick to send a bullet through his head.

Neil exhaled in relief, lowering his gun and thanking his mother for raising him to be a good shot. He needed to leave before the cops came to investigate the sound of gunshots. Being sweaty, wounded, and covered in someone else’s blood wasn’t a good look. Neither was having two dead bodies in plain sight.

Glancing around, he popped open the trunk and used all his strength to drag Romero around the car, shoving him inside. He did the same for Jackson since there was plenty of room. Luckily, they had parked somewhere out of sight of the neighbors and it was dark. When he was finally finished, Neil propped himself against the car, catching his breath.

Once he was ready, he got into the driver’s seat and turned the key. He let the cool air hit his cheeks, gripping the wheel and forcing his heartbeat to normal again. He was okay, he’d done what he was taught to survive. He was _alive_.

More importantly, he needed to find Andrew before he did something reckless. He’d clean up Lola’s mess later.

* * *

Where he found Andrew was the second place he looked, but the last place Andrew would want to be.

**The court.**

Kevin had predictably stayed for night practice.

When Neil arrived, Kevin was on his back on the floor of the court, unwillingly. Andrew was straddling him and both of their helmets were off. They were both in their gear. Kevin’s face was smeared with blood from being punched and Andrew had his knife in hand.

He was going to kill him.

Neil shoved open the doors, running onto the court without any gear on.

“Andrew, stop!” Coming closer, he could see a wide smile on Andrew’s lips. He turned his head, his wild hazel eyes landing on Neil. He lowered the knife, flicking his fingers at Neil dismissively.

“Go away, rabbit. You aren’t real.”

“Neil, h-help,” Kevin choked out.

Neil slowed to a stop. This must have been quite a scene, his clothing still speckled with blood and bruises all over him. Two geared exy players, one with a knife.

“I’m not a hallucination,” he assured calmly. Andrew laughed, shaking his head. His hands were still quaking.

“You’re a fucking pipe dream. Leave us alone, Abram.” He pressed his knife down against the side of Kevin’s jaw, drawing blood. Kevin swallowed multiple times visibly, his face pale.

“No. Let go of Kevin, Andrew. I _promise_ you, I’m real. My father’s people came after me and I had to fake my death so I could kill them. I didn’t think you’d come in, despite my text warning you. You promised to protect me, didn’t you? Andrew, I’m asking you now to keep that promise. You can’t do that if you’re in jail.”

He saw Andrew’s jaw working before he slowly turned his head and looked at Neil again. His eyes swept him up and down. Neil came closer, feeling no fear. He knew Andrew would never hurt him.

He reached out, tangling his fingers in his hair. He could hear Andrew’s breath hitch, his smile flickering before dropping. He dropped his knife, pushing off of Kevin. The latter scrambled backwards, gasping for air. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil answered immediately, barely getting the answer out before Andrew’s hands were all over him. Feeling him, making sure he was real. He patted him, grabbing his arms and cupping his face in his hands. “I’m here, Andrew. I’m real.”

Finally, he smashed his lips to Neil’s. Neil kissed back, raking his fingers through Andrew’s hair. When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against Andrew’s and exhaled. “I’m sorry.”

“Say it again and I’ll kill you.”

“Okay.” He didn’t sound one bit afraid. They sat there on their knees, just holding and studying every inch of each other.

“And here I thought you lost your taste for fake suicides. _Get away from us_.” Kevin didn’t need to be told twice, scrambling to his feet and leaving the court. Andrew’s eyes watched him until he was out of sight, snapping back to Neil. Neil stroked his face with his thumb, looking at all of his features.

Features he thought he’d never see again.

“It was either that or running. I don’t want to run anymore. I’ll always come back for you.”

“Don’t say stupid things.”

“Don’t ask for the truth if you’re going to ignore it.”

“What happened to your face?”

“A lighter.” Neil proceeded to tell Andrew everything that happened before and after he came. He assured him that the people who tried to hurt him were dead now and the proof was in the car he took here. “My father’s still alive, Andrew. I-I… He’s going to send more people after me.”

“They won’t touch you,” Andrew promised, his face filled with rare anger. Neil raked his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want us to have to leave, but my father won’t stop coming after me until either I’m dead or he is. All my scars were from trying to escape him. I don’t want the same to happen to you.”

“They can try,” Andrew replied, not a lick of worry in his voice. He always managed to ground Neil and make him feel like he could handle anything thrown at him. He was so, so strong. Suddenly, Neil stiffened as an idea came to him. “What is it?”

He paused his fingers, slowly dragging his gaze to Andrew. “I could… call my uncle. He’s apart of another crime family overseas. I don’t know what he could do to help, but...”

He was desperate.

“Do you trust him?”

“I, uh, yeah.” He hadn’t spoken to his uncle in years, but he remembered their visits when he was still small. His mother trusted uncle Stuart as one of their contacts, so he did too.

“Make the call,” Andrew said with an intense look. Neil stared back, studying every inch of his face before shortly nodding. He took out his phone, hesitating before tapping out the phone number he had memorized by heart. Hopefully, Stuart hadn’t changed his number.

As the line rang, Andrew’s arm curled around his waist and pulled him into his lap. Neil smiled, settling into it and inhaling. It was weird with Andrew’s clunky gear on, but they weren’t willing to separate from each other.

“Hello?”

“Uncle Stuart.”

“ _Nathaniel_? You’re alive?” The man said incredulously.

Neil breathed out again. “Yeah.”

“W-Where’s Mary?”

“She’s…. Gone. I’m sorry.” There was a long minute of silence, in which Neil allowed him to mourn for his sister. He heard a heavy breath.

“How?”

“My father caught up to us in Seattle, two years ago,” Neil explained, his spare hand fiddling with Andrew’s fingers. Two years, and it still hurt to relive that memory. “Internal bleeding. She didn’t tell me she was hurt. I-I had to bury her on the beach in California.”

“Bloody hell,” he heard Stuart whisper, his voice filled with vengeance and grief-fueled fury. “Nathan will pay for this.”

Neil flinched at his father’s name. Fingers squeezed the back of his neck, prompting him to relax. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, uncle Stuart. M-My father, he… Just got out of prison. He sent three of his people after me.”

“Are you injured?” Neil fingered the skin around his burns, but neglected to mention them. He let his hand drop.

“No, I’m fine.” He ignored the fingers that pinched his side at those words, swatting Andrew’s hand away. “I got rid of them.”

“Good. I have been overseas doing business, but I think I can cut a deal to allow the Hatfords over the border. In the meantime, do I need to send over some of my men to protect you, Nathaniel?”

“No, I…” Neil glanced up before continuing in a fond tone, “I have someone protecting me.”

He didn’t expect Andrew to take his phone from his hands, holding the mouthpiece to his own mouth. “I won’t let a single soul touch him. You have my word.”

A pleasant shiver went down Neil’s spine at those words.

“I see. Very well then. Until I contact you again, try to stay out of sight. Stay safe, you two.” Neil said his goodbyes before hanging up.

* * *

Nathan Wesninski was dead.

Neil got a call from Stuart a few days later, saying that their infiltration was a success. He explained that the FBI had offered protection in exchange for what he knew about his father's circle. He could legally change his identity and become Neil Josten. Andrew went with him.

Wednesday, he returned to school. He climbed out of the Maserati after being wedged between Nicky and Aaron. He didn't really mind surrendering the passenger's seat for Kevin and his long legs. He'd trashed his Raven outfit and felt much comfortable in his old clothes. He circled around to Andrew, who spared him a glance and set off towards the building. He reached out, his fingers bumping softly against his boyfriend's. The blond sighed, but interlocked their fingers.

Neil hid a smile.

"Uh oh, here comes trouble," Nicky warned, pausing in the middle of his chatting with Kevin. Neil looked to see Jean approaching them angrily.

"Josten, what are you doing?" Jean hissed. Neil reached up, wiping the inked ' **1** ' off of his cheek. It left a smudge on his face.

“I’m not a Raven anymore and neither is Kevin. I think it’s time for you to stop trying to follow Riko.” Neil tilted his head. “Don’t you?”

He pushed past Jean, leaving him gaping and going to find Matt. Andrew followed at his side.

“Hey.” Matt turned away from his locker, looking down.

“Neil, you’re— Hi,” he greeted, fumbling over the words and blatantly staring at their entwined fingers. He blinked a few times, making sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Was he dreaming?

“Are you free tonight?” Neil asked with his usual blank face, like he didn’t just blow Matt’s mind. Andrew didn’t seem to be paying attention, staring at the lockers.

“Yeah, why?” He smiled.

“I was hoping we could have a movie night again, if that’s okay,” Neil offered, like he was unsure about his acceptance. The audacity.

“Okay? Neil, that’s more than okay. Of course!” Matt grinned, clapping his hand on his shoulder. “You bring the popcorn, alright?”

“Yeah, sure.”

"It's good to have you back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with this chapter, but decided to post it anyways because I already wrote 13,000 words. You're welcome to pretend it doesn't exist if you'd like.
> 
> I didn’t have the heart to kill Andrew and I’ve tried to keep it as in-character as possible while still a Heathers AU. I can’t see Andrew trying to blow up the entire school. He won’t hurt anyone unless they’ve done something to deserve it or hurt one of his group. But maybe someday I’ll write an alternate chapter where it follows the plot, who knows.
> 
> I'll edit this later, I'm tired.

**Author's Note:**

> Riko is worse than Heather Chandler.
> 
> Don't ask why I made Andrew blow Neil in the bathroom stall-
> 
> Reviews water my crops.  
> ( Or at least comment your favorite part or line. )
> 
> Tumblr: foxhole-pipe-dream


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